7 mins read

Intimacy Talk

Okay ladies. Things have gotten a little heavy around here. The air has been thick with incredibly moving and captivating stories. So, I felt it was time to lighten the mood. Plus we haven’t talked intimacy in a while. So let’s do that.

I warn you: this post is for sex and the committed person. If you’re single and screwing your brains out, please come back tomorrow. :)

This all started when one of my Twitter followers, (a male), said to me… “You need to write more about sex.” I replied, “I always blog about sex.” He answered, “You only touch on it. I mean a whole Blog post. On sex and the married life. On sex and the penny in the jar concept.” For those of you who don’t know what the ‘penny in the jar’ theory is, it’s this: if you put a penny in a jar for every time you had sex before marriage, and then remove one for every time you have sex AFTER marriage, you’ll never empty the jar.

penny in the jar theory


(P.S. – Why are these people smiling… this isn’t looking good for them!!!)

Okay. Is this you? Are you engaging in too much kvetch talk, and not enough spicy talk? If so, keep reading…

Now I’m happy to say, my husband and I enjoy a very healthy sex life. We always have, for the past 15 years we’ve been together. And I feel lucky for that. But let’s get real here: going to sleep with the same person, waking up next to the same person, having sex with the same person for as long as, let’s say my parents… 38 years, can get a little …. redundant, routine, rutty, repeat, needing reinvention. All those R’s. Real talk, ladies. And get this: Whenever my hubby says to me, “Let’s try something different (in the bedroom),” my answer is always the same, “How many different places can you possibly put that thing? It’s not a multiple choice question with that many different answers!” Ok, I’m dead tonight.

But seriously, how do you keep it going? How do you keep the passion alive? How do you make the time? Now with the return of all our favorite TV shows, exhaustion from the kids, stress from work, our hubby’s exhaustion from work, sex can kinda feel like our youth… a fading memory. So how do you in the words of Dr. Ruth, make time for pleasure?

make time for sex

Well I’ll tell you, it’s a stat, fact, that regular sex is proven to keep a relationship healthy, keep you healthy, and keep fights at bay. Real talk again. All from sex. And I think I need to stress that FREQUENCY requirements are different for everyone. For some, it’s daily (oh lord NOT), for some it’s 3 times a week (sounds ok, every second day), for some once a week (manageable) and for some, maybe once every 10 days. If you’re thinking…. I’M HAPPY IF IT’S ONCE A QUARTER, then listen up! You’re not having enough!!

Here are some great tips on improving your intimacy with your partners, and deriving more satisfaction and pleasure from your marriage. If you’re stuck sitting on the fence in your sex life, take the jump ladies! You might just have a good time:

  1. You should not be a spectator in your own sex life: Think about that for a minute. Have there been times when you’re lying there, like a dead fish, waiting for it to be over so you can watch a show, return a call, or get some zzzz’s? File your nails? You owe it to your partner and YOURSELF, to not have an out-of-body sexual encounter. Get into it, ladies! Even if it starts out forced, eventually, if you surrender and let yourself go, you won’t just be a spectator.
  2. Make yourself feel sexy. I am soooo guilty of this. I don’t own so much as a pair of pyjamas. I only wear fluffy cozy bathrobes. I don’t wear makeup, and I’m in glasses 90% of the time. I love my husband so much, and feel so comfortable with him, that I let him see ALL OF ME, ALL THE TIME. I’m starting to think this is a problem. The expensive lingerie I bought for my honeymoon could honestly be returned it’s so brand new. So when he asks me to make the effort, I try. But it’s important to make the effort. I am going to do this more. Go figure, for all the men who beg their wives to come to bed naked, my husband begs me to come to bed dressed! To sport a new outfit! But seriously, when we feel sexy, we ARE sexy. I’m in.
  3. Keep things spontaneous. It’s okay to tell your husband that you want sex in the back door, haha, just don’t plan all the intricate details! Let things evolve and go where they will. Even if you only get started late at night, those endorphins will keep you going the next day. Don’t let the clock be your guide if you’re havin’ fun.
  4. Initiate. For so many women who think a man should always be the one to initiate sex, c’mon ladies, we’re living in the 21st century. Now when I say initiate, I don’t just mean in bed. I mean, send dirty texts during the day, surprise him on his lunch hour for a “quickie” if you’re nearby (yes it’s possible), leave post-its around hinting what you like in the bedroom. I’m famous for sending my hubby pictures of myself where the sun don’t shine during his work meetings. Ooooh I’m so bad.


So ladies, if you went to bed angry last night, or are feeling hostile today towards your partner, remember why you got together in the first place. I have one goal for today’s Blog post… to get you to rediscover your partner. To fall in love again with your partner. TONIGHT. And when those warm fuzzies creep up, jump on it.

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away” — Mae West



Tell us, what do you do to keep the passion alive in your marriage? Are you a sexually satisfied woman? How do you make time for sex with all of life’s demands and the daily grind? Or are you a dried up old prune?

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