The first day of daycare is undoubtedly the hardest. For me, it went like this: I fought traffic and tears, held it together long enough to hand my perfect human over to a group of strangers (whom I’d later learn are actually angels sent from God himself), and then just had the. Worst. Day. EVER. It sucked worse than most things I’d ever experienced. But, a week or two later, things started to normalize. I mastered my routine and got in a groove. And now it is simply just part of my life.
We’re almost a year into it, and I can honestly say I’m embracing my new title of Working Mom. Of course, it helps that a lot of the other moms I see are basically crazy. Here is a roundup of 10 moms I met my child’s first year in preschool.
1. Just Wait Mom. Literally every conversation: You think it’s tough now? Just wait until he starts walking… Oh yeah, daycare’s great for her social skills, but just wait until she gets sick… Short on sleep? Hah! Just wait until you have your second. HI CAN I PLEASE JUST ENJOY MY EIGHT-MONTH-OLD, THANKS?!
2. Class Mom. Ugh. Third email this week. No, I did not send you the $147 check for “Teachers gifts, etc.” yet because, you know, I already pay more for preschool tuition than I did for college.
3. What To Expect When You’re Always Expecting Mom. She has one in your son’s infant class, twins in the twos, another in VPK, and one on the way. You’ve calculated how many weeks she’s been without wine in the last five years and physically shudder at the thought.
4. Yogi Mom. Rolls up in athletic pants and a crop top, parks the Benzo G-wagon in the NO PARKING lane… Because, obvi, it’s 8:19 and she’s got a Bikram class to get to.
5. Drill Sergeant Mom. Her 11-month-old’s first word was “no-no.” He’s called you ma’am and you’re pretty sure he was born potty trained. Things could be worse, right? (See #7)
6. Millennial Mom. She friended you on Facebook after the open house and you’ve enjoyed a conversation or two with her about how she literally can’t even with the parking sitch. You’re still not really sure how she fits the car seat in her Prius.
7. Non-disciplinary Mom. So little Elmyra wants to stand on the lobby furniture, flick the lights on and off, and demand lollipops from the front desk at pick-up time. She’s exploring the world around her, duh. “It’s her new thing.” {Insert angry red-face Emoji.}
8. Ingredients Mom. Her entire vernacular is composed of questions. “Is this grass-fed pasture-raised organic non-GMO milk?” “Does this straw have red dye 40?” “Is there any gluten, soy, dairy, sugar, nuts, egg, corn or enzymes in this ice?”
9. PTA President Mom. Greets you once a quarter – by name – at the entrance of the school with a flyer, awkward and uncomfortable eye contact, a peace offering of a donut hole, and a convincing spiel about how critical this fundraiser is to the big upcoming [thing you definitely forgot about]. TIP: Dress your child in a Wu-Tang onesie and crank the bass when you roll into the parking lot to mitigate the risk of prolonged conversation.
10. Essential Oils/Wrap Selling/CrossFit Mom. You know more about her hobbies – ahem, lifestyle – than your own mother knows about you.
