Dealing with a breakup is hard even when the parting is amicable. Having a relationship with someone means making them a part of your life and sharing your life with them. Part of the reason couples–even unhappy couples–stay together is because they become accustomed to being together. People get used to seeing the same face every day and calling the same person when they get good news or bad news. Adjusting those habits are as hard, if not harder, than the breakup itself.
How to Deal with a Breakup
Step 1
Mourn the relationship. Whether the breakup is amicable or acrimonious, give yourself time to mourn it. It’s okay to be sad and to miss the person.
Step 2
Remind yourself that the mourning will pass. It’s still okay to be sad. Call your mom. Call your best friend. Talk to people. While you may need to wallow for a little while, don’t cut yourself off from the support of your family and friends. Let them be there for you.
Step 3
Release your anger. Yes, that sounds like something out of Star Wars, but that doesn’t diminish the truth of the statement. Keisha Craig, author of the “12 Step Relationship “Detox” Program” (see Resources), talks about coping with the end of a ‘bad’ relationship and how even in a breakup, you crave the relationship that is now gone. You have to let go of the anger in order to let go of the relationship.
Step 4
Forgive yourself. When a relationship ends, there is usually fault on both sides. You likely made some mistakes. You may not have listened when you needed to or maybe you couldn’t forgive something. It doesn’t really matter what the mistake was or if it was only a mistake in hindsight. Forgive yourself so that you can let go of the relationship.
Step 5
Move on. This is the final step in dealing with a breakup. It may take a few days, a few months or even a year or more. Don’t push yourself to achieve this step because there is no one absolute time that is right, only the amount of time that is right for you. You’ll know you’re ready to move on.
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