How To Talk to Your Spouse About a Divorce

Step 1

Choose the right time. While there is no real “right time,” you can minimize arguments and damage by choosing the best moment possible. For instance, don’t approach your spouse when something else is on her mind. Whether it’s a bad day at work or a stressful evening after seeing family, you should recognize when timing is poor for the subject. Wait until your spouse is in a receptive mood, with no distractions or previous issues clouding her thoughts and feelings.

Step 2

Don’t attack your spouse. No matter how angry you are, it’s important to learn self-control when you’re approaching this subject. Most of the time, the problems in a relationship are not all the fault of one person. By making him feel as if everything is his fault, you will immediately put him on the defensive, which is not conducive to accomplishing anything positive. Do not point the finger or use words like “you” and “your”; point to yourself instead. For instance, rather than “You never spend time with me,” you could say, “Sometimes I feel as if we don’t spend enough time together.” This removes the accusation, and the point still gets made.

Step 3

Control your temper. While some serious discussions (especially about divorce) can easily go from talking to arguing, it’s important to control yourself. When you feel things starting to get out of hand, count to 10 very slowly. Take a deep breath in between each and every number, allowing yourself time to cool off. Opt to table the discussion until you can cool down enough. Many times individuals bait their spouses, trying to push buttons just to make them angry. If your spouse does this to you, recognize it and don’t allow it to anger you.