If you are not feeling particularly sexy after having children, you are not alone. Patricia Koch, Ph.D., tells “Good Housekeeping Magazine” that as many as 67 percent of women report a low sex drive at some point in their lives. A loss of libido can stem from a variety of sources–physical, hormonal and psychological. Though you may care less whether you ever have sex with your partner again, sex really is an important part of romantic relationships. You may have to work hard to get your groove back.
Visit a Doc
Rule out physical or hormonal causes with a visit to your doctor. Your doctor may test for anemia or other diseases, such as diabetes, heart disease or arthritis, which can all kill your sex drive.
Boost Your Self Image
Boost your self-image with daily affirmations. Having children can wreak havoc on a woman’s body, which may send her self-esteem south. If you look in the mirror and see only sagging boobs, a big butt and a belly that looks pregnant even though you gave birth years ago, stop criticizing yourself. Force yourself to say positive things about your appearance every time you look in the mirror. Eventually, you’ll start to believe them.
Get help around the house. Stress is a leading cause of lack of libido. If you’re constantly worried about all the household chores piling up, you’ll never want to make time for sex. Ask your hubby to do his fair share or bribe the kids with an allowance.
Do What Makes You Feel Sexy
Do what makes you feel good or sexy. As a mother, you spend so much time taking care of everyone else’s needs that it’s difficult to squeeze time in for what you want. However, this is important for getting your groove back. Whether you just want 30 minutes to read a book, take a bath in peace or get in some exercise, tell your family that you need that time for you.
Get comfortable with sexual aids. Your aversion to sex may be due to your embarrassment about vaginal dryness or your inability to reach climax. Lubrication or sexual toys can help you to overcome these issues.
Connect with your partner on a non-sexual level. If it feels like the only time you’re talking with your partner, he’s begging you for sex, sex is going to feel like just another chore. By spending time with your partner outside of the sexual relationship, you’ll feel close again, and start longing for the physical intimacy that goes along with that.