When you are going through a separation or divorce, you may feel as if your life is spinning out of control and that your emotions are on a roller coaster ride. You need to stop the craziness, step back and gain some control over the situation. The more informed you are about the divorce process, the better, writes Jan L. Warner, a life transition planner since the 1980s, on the Flying Solo website.
Watch What You Say
It’s natural to say things that you may not really mean to hurt your spouse when separation or divorce is looming. You may be deeply hurt and want him to feel pain, too. But, after you have made the hurtful comments, you may regret saying them and may even feel a great sense of remorse, writes Stacy D. Phillips, certified family law specialist, on the Divorce Magazine website. Comments that are best left unsaid are to tell your spouse that you were never in love with him, that the children hate him, that you only married him for his money, that you were cheating on him all along or that he was never good in bed.
Divorce Readiness
Most couples who begin divorce proceedings are not ready for divorce. This lack of readiness can cause marriages to end prematurely or for divorces to become messy and competitive. The decision on whether you are ready for divorce or separation is a process in itself. When you and your spouse have given this decision the attention required, then you will be better able to eliminate most emotional and financial struggles, according to Divorce Magazine.
An Honest Evaluation
Rather than trying to rush out of the marriage as soon as possible, you should honestly evaluate your thoughts, feelings and options. You must prepare yourself for the drastic ways in which your life will change after separation or divorce. By rushing, you may put yourself in a worse situation than you were in with the marriage. You will have gotten rid of certain problems, but you may have created new ones.
Knowing When the Relationship Is Over
Before getting a separation or divorce, ask yourself whether you still have feelings for your husband. You may have just lost intimacy and closeness. If so, perhaps you can work on your relationship. If you do still have feelings and go ahead with the divorce, you may feel overwhelmed by the loss, according to Divorce Magazine. When you are ready for divorce, you will be able to make an unemotional decision that you will support over time. You will have let go of all your emotions, the loving as well as the hurtful ones. If you are ready, you will be able to hope sincerely that your husband will reach his hopes and dreams without you. You will respect him but no longer wish to be married to him.
If Children Are Involved
Consider how you will help your children cope with your divorce or separation. Make sure that they know that the divorce is not their fault, according to the Mental Health America website. Establishing and maintaining a routine helps children cope. Be there for your children, but don’t confide in them about adult issues. Don’t use your children as spies or speak negatively about your husband to them.
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