Finally, my role as the Tooth Fairy has come to an end! My youngest child lost her last tooth yesterday! As usual, I was entertaining a small gathering of friends and family. Upon sipping my second glass of Merlot, my sister nudged me and reminded me not to forget to leave money under my daughter’s pillow and to retrieve the tooth. Oh please, I would never forget such a significant event! After everyone left, I tidied up a bit. I was tired but remembered I had one last task to attend to before I stumbled off to bed: Get the tooth, leave some money — easy enough!
My Mission
Unfortunately, my daughter was tossing and turning most of the night, so I knew I needed to be extra careful not to wake her up. I decided instead of walking into the room, I should duck for cover and stay as low to the floor as possible. I got on all fours and began to crawl slowly and quietly toward her bed. My teenage son spotted me and couldn’t help but ask me why in the world I was performing a military style crawl on the floor through my daughter’s bedroom. I swooshed him away (maybe the camouflage nightgown was a bit much). I rolled and crawled till I maneuvered my way to the head of her bed. Like a scene right out of Ocean’s Eleven, I managed to snatch the tooth! Wow, sometimes parenting calls for skills we never knew we possessed…or maybe it was just the wine.
Uh Oh
I left my daughter a couple of dollars under her pillow that night. My job was complete and with pride, I slept like a baby. The next morning she jumped out of bed screaming loudly “I’m rich, I’m rich”. Well, apparently instead of leaving two one-dollar bills under her pillow, I mistakenly left two ten-dollars bills under her pillow. I was puzzled and thinking to myself “How am I going to get the money back?” The next night while my daughter was fast asleep, I slipped a note under her pillow that read “Dear little girl: I need eighteen dollars back or more teeth” and threw a bunch of glitter, stars and Hello Kitty stickers all over the note.
Goodbye Tooth Fairy
It worked, I got the money back… I’m still nursing a couple of rug burns, but I’m okay! The tooth fairy has officially left the building!
About the Author
Affectionately nicknamed the “Dysfunctional Housewife” by her comedy group, the popular “Funniest Housewives of Orange County”- Julie Kidd, a single mom with three children who is too busy to cook. When she calls her kids to dinner, they run to the car! Julie is the author of Momalogue, A Journey through a Single Mother’s Hood. Her jokes have been featured in Good Housekeeping and in numerous comedy books including: Comedy Thesaurus, She’s So Funny, Mom This Jokes For You, and Loves Funny That Way. Kidd has performed on numerous television shows, including: ABC’s The View, Life Moments, Iyanla, What’s Up OC, Inside this Edition and Next Big Star. Julie’s advice: Don’t take yourself too seriously… To be a wonderful parent is powerful, but to do it with a sense of humor is magical! For more visit www.THEFUNNYMOM.com
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