People that know me well will tell you that I’m not a scaredy cat by nature. In fact, I laugh in the face of danger! Okay, so maybe I don’t laugh at it, but I will snicker at it occasionally.
But I must admit there are a few things that strike fear in my heart. Things that are so horrible that I get a shiver down my spine just thinking of them. Things like bad bikini waxes and colon cleanses. Or something else that I experienced and lived to blog about.
Okay, so maybe I’m being slightly melodramatic. After all, my daughter figured it out in three hours flat. We were shopping at Target and getting our nails painted by 3pm! But this time around, we weren’t dealing with a sweet, people-pleasing little girl. We were dealing with a boy– whole different ball game! I was now tasked to showing my stubborn little boy what to do with his penis…
The Superior Gender
After this experience, I’m shaking my head at the assumption that men are supposed to be the superior gender. Whoever said that has obviously never potty trained one!
A Rocky Start
While I was happy to report that things were going well after an incredibly rocky start, (who knew that they were supposed to sit down on the potty? Sorry! (I’ve only seen it done standing up!) I thought I would share some pearls of wisdom that came to me during that tense first 48 hours. Read on for Liz’s Potty Pearls of wisdom.
1) Proper Names
Take the time to give proper names to anatomy so that your daughter doesn’t keep telling your son to push his “vagina stick” down so he doesn’t pee all over the floor.
2) The Hulk
Okay, so the first time he took a dump in his Hulk underwear I thought he just didn’t get it. The second time I questioned my potty game plan. The third time, I realized he was just playing with me. Typical man!
3) No Drinking
Don’t go out drinking the night before, no matter how much fun that harbor cruise sounds. Keeping your gag reflex in check is a lot harder with a hangover. (See number 2.)
I know I already mentioned this, but it must be said again: Why doesn’t anyone tell you about the whole sitting down thing? And watching him shove his penis down like a bag of weed he’s trying to hide? I’ll never be the same again.
5) You’re Kidding, Right?
What? He’s just asked me to leave the bathroom so he could have his “privacy”? Is this same kid that peed on his bike two hours ago? I see that like most men, it didn’t take him too long to get “cocky” (pun intended).