Cohabitation

You’ve been dating for awhile now, or maybe you are engaged.  You are in love, you get along, and you are even talking about a future together.  But before making that huge commitment, the discussion of moving in together comes up.  What do you do?  You don’t want to disappoint your parents as they dreamed of you getting married and then living with your significant other.  If you are a woman, you don’t want to act as a wife when you aren’t.  As a man, you don’t want to assume the majority of the financial responsibility if this may one day end.  What to do!  My answer to this differs on each individual. 

I know many couples who have been together for over 5 years who have recently moved in together.  They all tell me that no matter how long you have known someone for, living with them is a different story, and they all recommend it before marriage.  But, you may be saying to yourself, you should know if you want to be with that person whether you live with them or not.  Yes, I understand that point of view, and to a degree, I agree with it.  I think that a couple should pretty much be set on the idea that this is the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, and by moving in together, you are moving closer to that step.  I do not, however, think a couple should live together if they’ve known each other for a short amount of time, or out of convenience.  It probably won’t work out if that is the case.

There have been many studies about cohabitating.  Research shows that couples who live together before marriage get divorced much sooner before those who don’t.  This fact does bring some concern to the table, but it shouldn’t matter in your own personal decision.  At the end of the day, it is your life and you are making this decision for a reason.  It is part of your learning experience, and if you fail, its okay, life is not over and it goes on.  And if you succeed, that is wonderful!  Now you are more sure that this is what you want to do with your life.  Just think the decision through thoroughly, and you are sure to do what is best for you.

I am currently in this situation.  I am engaged and I live with my fiance.  We have been living together for about 9 months and we are getting married in October.  I have to say, it is challenging at times, but I am glad we are living together before we are married–but after we got engaged–so it’s one less thing to adapt to after marriage.