I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and the other day my back
hurt so badly I thought I had kidney stones. No joke, I
almost called 911 in the middle of the night. Turns out
I don’t have kidney stones, I am having back spasms. I
get acupuncture and a massage every couple weeks but it
would be better if I had my husband working nightly on
these kinks the extra 45 pounds I’m carrying is creating.
But alas, I don’t have a husband or boyfriend, alas I am
single and pregnant. Now before anyone breaks out the
violins, let me be the first to say, I am not freaking
out (most of the time). Other people though are a very
different story.
“Wow, You’re Brave”
When I tell people my situation, the exchange usually
goes something like this:
“Wow, you’re brave.”
“Really? Am I?”
“Oh my God, yeah. Wow.”
“Ok, um, thanks.”
“Yeah, I mean are you…wow, are you really ready for
this?”
Which usually leaves me feeling like I should probably do
something more to prepare but I mean how many
books/DVDs/classes can one really partake in?
A Little History
A little history on my situation: I was only dating the
man who is my baby’s father for 2 1/2 months when I got
pregnant. Before I knew I was pregnant, I knew this was
not a match. The thought of us as a couple gives me more
anxiety than seeing those little infants screaming in my
pre-natal yoga class does. He is a good guy and has
moved half way across the country to be here for the baby
but he and I are not a match. Let me repeat, we are NOT
a match. People ask me (code for subtly suggest) if I’ve
really thought about doing it on my own and that maybe I
should reconsider giving a relationship with my baby’s
father a go. Even my acupuncturist the other day asked
me to reconsider being with the father and my
acupuncturist is supposed to be a real intuitive,
progressive guy. I mean I know why two parents in a
household are better than one but I also know that real
love in a household is more important (at least to me)
than two people who are like oil and water trying to make
something work so a child has two parents under one roof.
Grumpy and Mean
Also, I know how grumpy and mean I can be right now to
all people including those I am closest to (my mother) or
people I don’t know at all (AT&T representative) and I
know if my baby’s father was around, I would be doing
nothing but biting his head off or biting my
tongue….and frankly that is a lot of biting when I have
plenty of other things that I need to be attending to.
Mamby, Pamby, New Age Mumbo-Jumbo
Maybe I’m full of mamby pamby, new age, mumbo-jumbo,
overly romanticized bullsh%# but I really do want my
child to have a great example of two parents who love and
respect each other deeply. I have always thought that
the child should not come first, it should be the partner
who comes first. That way the child always knows the
safety net that is the bond between mom and the dad is
always there. I have said this to people in the past and
if they have kids they usually roll their eyes when they
think I’m not looking. But I catch everything and that’s
ok if people think I’m crazy. I am a little crazy.
Clearly. I’m holding out for true love. And I am having
a baby on my own….apparently, what could be crazier
than that?
