Five years ago, yesterday, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Alexis. My miracle baby – the one doctors said I would never get pregnant with and when I did – told me she would never make it.
We’ve been celebrating her birthday for the last two weeks. She’s an only child and, as mentioned in previous blogs, spoiled to the core. Where I am elated that we’ve reached that milestone birthday I’m also disappointed beyond epic proportions.
I shouldn’t be. I should have seen it coming.
For the sake of my daughter, I have been trying so hard to get along with her biological father. I grew up without a father and I know that it can cause you emotional pain and insecurities that not many can understand unless they have stood in your shoes.
I’ve put me and my feelings about him – last – because it should be about her.
With all the sacrificing I do, for the love of my child, I also give ‘him’ the benefit of a doubt. I expected that yesterday, of all days, he would at least pick up the phone and call our daughter to say two simple words: Happy Birthday.
But he didn’t.
Instead, I had to look into those big blue eyes of hers and respond to her question of, “Is my Daddy going to call?” and say, “I don’t know” with no ‘logical’ explanation as to why and giving it all I had to keep the look of, “I’m so sorry he’s your Father; you deserve better than this honey” off of my face.
This has somehow made ME feel guilty and I know I shouldn’t; easier said than done.
She didn’t even ask for a gift from him. Albeit he has only sent her one birthday gift in 5 years so that wasn’t expected anyway. All she wanted was a simple phone call; an acknowledgment of sorts that today was a special day in her life.
Yet, just about six weeks ago she picked up the phone (he moved to Arizona shortly after she was born) to call him and say, “Happy Birthday, Daddy. I love you”
I’ll never being able to understand how some people can just turn-off that ‘switch’ and feel nothing because of how I feel being her Mommy. It sounds so cliche’, but I would die for her; she’s my miracle baby.
I know that she’ll appreciate my unconditional love for her someday, but that doesn’t get her through…today. I don’t need acknowledgement – I just need her to feel loved by her Mother and her Father.
While tucking her in last night I asked her, “Did you have a good day, today, sunshine?” She sweetly replied, “I did Mommy. My favorite part is when you brought cupcakes for me and all of my friends to school”
Imagine what a phone call from her father would have done for her.
Even if you aren’t with your childrens father, if he still manages to call and say, “Happy Birthday” to your child(ren) – count your blessings – some aren’t so fortunate…