The other day I read an insightful post on Simple Marriage that spoke about why compromising in marriage may ruin it. Sounds interesting, right? That article was an inspiring factor in writing this article about keeping score in marriage.
In my own marriage keeping score is not something that works for maintaining a healthy relationship. This is something I believe if you asked my husband I’ve expressed for years. From my prospective keeping score means if one person gets to do something, than the other expects something in return, be it an outing of their own, or maybe extra help around the house.
Why this doesn’t work for me is simply the fact that when you try to add it all up things are never completely ‘fair’. Keeping score often leads to one or both people feeling slighted or unhappy. Not a desired feeling to have in a marriage.
When it comes down to it what works for me in love and important relationships it is deciding to put another’s needs in front of my own. I’m sure many parents feel this is what we do on a daily if not hourly basis with children, but have you considered it in marriage?
Putting my husband’s needs in front of my own is the only way I come out of it feeling at peace. Looking at it in terms of whether or not things are fair just doesn’t work for me. It is very important to note that in my opinion putting your partner’s needs first only works when you feel equally powerful in your relationship. I know that in turn my needs are important to my husband, so I don’t feel second class to him in our marriage.
Today is the perfect opportunity for me to discuss and remind myself of my feeling on this topic. I’m not going to lie; it is much easier said than done! For example today involves me taking care of our children from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to bed all by myself…and it’s exhausting! In addition, without my husband’s help for part of the day it also entails extra duties around the house, my own plus the ones that he usually takes care of. Extra exhausting!
My husband after work is going to play some rounds of tennis, followed by drinks and dinner. It being an especially beautiful day today makes that sound even more amazing to me. Therefore today is about putting my husband’s needs first, not keeping score…like I mentioned – easier said than done, but writing for me is that perfect bridge between where I am and where I want to be!
Here’s to building happy relationships!
What are your thoughts? Please share in the comments.