“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”. ~Rev. Theodore Hesburgh
When I first saw this quote I can’t even begin to tell you how many things went through my head and rang true for me on so many different levels. Children see and pick up on EVERYTHING. We often don’t give them enough credit for the things they are aware of. Your relationship with your partner is setting the bar for them to follow in. If you are in a toxic or unhealthy relationship you are showing them that this is ok. If you and your partner treat each other with love and respect, you are blazing a trail for them on how to be treated and how to treat others this way. If it’s ok for my mom or dad to be treated this way then why shouldn’t it be ok for me? Just a little something to think about …
We are the most open and sensitive to energy when we are children. Even though you might not always be fighting, children can feel your energy. They can sense when something is right or wrong. There is a bond deeper then another between a mother and a child. My mother always told me that when I was little I always knew more then I should have. I would say things to her that I picked up on that she couldn’t believe I saw or felt. I am no different than the kids I see and work with every day- I just have a bigger mouth.
I was once was working with a client that had 3 sons. Her and her husband were having problems and later ended up divorcing. The husband was verbally abusive, disrespectful and cheating on her. She was always in a state of constant fear and anxiety. Feeling her anxiety (because children feel everything) the kids started acting out. Months later, they started treating her the same way her husband was treating her. I remember years ago I was working with someone who was telling me about her husband and how toxic and stressed out his energy was. He would walk in the door each night with a black cloud above his head and then take out all his stress on her. She would get upset and either lash out or hold it in while fuming inside. I remember seeing a vision of her baby playing on the ground getting energetically hit between the toxic energy that was emanating out of the two of them. Without even knowing what was happening, the energetic foundation for relating was beginning to form in this child.Years later, this child is demonstrating similar behavior problems.
I’m not saying everyday is perfect, even the very best of relationships have their not so fabulous moments and ups and downs. I am talking about the constant state and pace of the over all theme of the relationship. It’s like that 80/20 rule: It’s what you do 80% of the time that makes a difference and has an impact.
In my life, I am blessed to have so many couples that are positive role models . These couples demonstrate what a positive and healthy relationship is, and I can clearly see how their children thrive from it. I asked the couples I respect and admire what they do to have what they have with each other. They all said these 3 things:
1. We want each other to be happy, and we do what we each can do to make this happen.
2. We have a deep love and respect for each other.
3. We are supportive of each other
It’s so simple and yet, so VERY effective!
The happier the couple the healthier and happier the environment and the energy will be for the children to grow from.
SOMETHING TO PONDER: If one day your child came home and said they were in a similar relationship and being treated they way you are in yours, how would that make you feel? What advice would you give them? And if it’s not ok for them, then why is it ok for you? After all, you’re setting the example…