So here I am trying to get my shit together – as described in my last blog – and I’m kind of sucking at it. Trying to find my way to a sunny place, and make a few inroads – baby steps, really – and then a storm comes crashing through. So thought I would share a recent story about how my better half called me out. Big Time.
I lost it on Sunday with both kids melting down, a work deadline looming, and a limited night of sleep. Here is how it manifested. I said out loud in my best mean-ass-bitch-voice and right in his face “I didn’t sign up for this.” Okay, I didn’t mean it. Well, I kind of did, but I will cop to the fact that I was tripped up in all kinds of emotional crap at the moment. And saying that to him is like taking a fistful of his hair and slamming his head against a wall.
And to make it worse, I didn’t apologize. Did I mention that I’m a total ASSHOLE?
So we are in the car a short time later driving away from neighbors who think we beat our children because their meltdowns were so loud, and he says “Q, you have to check yourself.” And then tells me that my increasing stress over the last few months has resulted in a few too many pot shots at my best friend and he’s just about done with keeping his cool. And he’s totally right. I’m taking a lot of this out on him and my job is to get my shit together and show up as the present and considerate partner that I should be showing up as…
And here is where all that work I’ve talked about pays off. We have a reasonable conversation about this dynamic, about the things I’m doing to address said stress and how he is on board and available to support me. This all could have gone to a pretty bad place, but I’m blessed to be in a marriage that keeps the communication straight and above-board instead of festering below the surface. And we have learned a language that enables us to talk without getting all sideways and destructive at times like these when one of us is, put simply, batshit.
The clouds haven’t cleared, but I think a massive tornado was abated. It got me present and that night was actually a pretty fun night with friends and family, and I really enjoyed myself in a way that I hadn’t been able to in awhile.