• Home
  • Brooke Burke
  • Must Have
  • Recalls
  • Contributors
  • Contests & Twitter Parties
  • Become An Insider
  • ModernMom Store

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • Ask Dr. Psych Mom
  • Cooking
  • Around The House
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
  • Career
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Hot Topics
  • Games
You are here: Home / Uncategorized / Let’s Make a Deal

Let’s Make a Deal

May 20, 2011 by AGoto Leave a Comment

My dad is old school. Growing up, the division of labor in our household was gendered. Mom sewed, did the dishes and laundry, cooked and cleaned. Dad worked at a paper mill and maintained the structural integrity of the house (though sometimes his shortcuts–often involving duct tape–did more to compromise it). He raised my sister and I with an iron fist, or rather a foot-long wooden stick. He kept it in a central location, on a ledge next to the refrigerator that served no other purpose but to hold that infernal twig of terror. When angry, he’d bark clichés.

 

“If you live in my house, you’ll live by my rules!”

“I don’t care if you like it or not!”

Or my personal favorite: “Why? Because I said so!”

It’s not just parenting; Dad doesn’t rely on logic for many things. On the Forth of July, he shot his sawed-off shotgun straight up into the air. I assumed the bullet lodged into the moon, since it never came down and killed us. When he couldn’t sleep, he’d tossed back a sleeping pill. When that didn’t work, Dad swallowed a couple more. At one point, he couldn’t remember if he’d swallowed any, or if it was all just a dream, so he took some more. Luckily, Dad didn’t die. Let’s just say he “slept it off.”

In all honesty, my parents did a great job raising me. I’m still conditioned to say “No thank you,” “Yes, please,” and “I have to go potty” (which is, admittedly, a little embarrassing). But I vowed to raise my own daughter without relying on unexamined platitudes such as, “Because I said so.” If I say “No,” I should have a good reason, right?

It was smooth sailing for the first few years.

“Don’t lick the shopping cart. It’s dirty and it’ll make you sick and then you’ll have to go to the doctor and get shots."

“Can I buy a toy?”
"No. That Barbie looks like a whore.”

“Can we go to Chuck E. Cheese?”
“No. They’re closed.” Okay, that was a lie, but if you offer a logical answer, you can get away with a lie every now and again.

But then things got complicated when Ava learned to use logic to her advantage.

“Can I watch a show when I get home?” she asked in the car as we drove home from a restaurant.
“No, absolutely not. It’s late. You need to take a quick bath and get into bed because you don’t want to be tired for school tomorrow.”

She pondered this perfectly sound explanation.

"Okay. How about this–” And so began the bargaining. “I watch TV while you get the bath started. Because it takes a while to fill. Deal?”

Seemed reasonable enough.

“And then, after the bath, I’ll watch another show while you brush my hair. How does that sound?”

Her plan didn’t really compromise mine. I would have to fill the bath and I would have to brush her hair, so who cares what she does while I do those things? A lesser parent, that’s who. Someone who thinks that they have the final say no matter what; someone who thinks that “No, absolutely not,” is an absolute. As if.

Of course, I’m still the parent, so I feel the need to make my own addendum simply to feel like I haven’t given up all control. “Okay, but only if you don’t fuss when I tell you it’s time for bed.”

"Yes, Mommy,” she said sweetly.

My favorite part about the whole charade is when Ava seals the deal by saying, “So let me get this straight,” and then restates the agreement as if it were so complicated that my feeble brain couldn’t compute it the first time.

I’m willing to negotiate, even with a 5-year-old. Because negotiating skills are important–just ask the guys who are called in to hostage situations. I don’t see it as giving in to her wants or forsaking my control. I see this as an exercise in critical thinking. It will pay for my retirement after she passes the Bar. All my poor dad gets from this starving writer is an eloquently written card on the holidays. Why? Probably because he said so.

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Uncategorized

About AGoto

Andrea Goto writes The Culinary Coward, a monthly humor column for PaulaDeen.com about her struggle to become a domestic goddess, or more simply, to cook an edible meal. She writes her own Blog, Mom Without Makeup, which discusses the messy art of modern mothering. Andrea lives and writes in Savannah, Georgia, with her 5-year old daughter (who thinks she's a superhero), her husband (who is a superhero) and one geriatric cat. Andrea Goto
www.andreagoto.com

Search

  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ModernMom Boutique ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

The Stranger You Know: How to Spot a Child Molester’s Tricks

The Stranger You Know: How to Spot a Child Molester’s Tricks

Do you think you would be able to tell if a sexual predator …[Read More...]

ModernMom TV

What Can I Substitute for Butter When Making Frosting?

What Can I Substitute for Butter When Making Frosting?

What Can I Substitute for Butter When Making …[Read More...]

Decoding a Man’s Hug

Decoding a Man’s Hug

During the course of your week, you may be hugged in many …[Read More...]

Tips on Exercising While Pregnant

Tips on Exercising While Pregnant

Exercise is generally safe for pregnant women and might even …[Read More...]

Quick Ways to Cook a Round Steak

Quick Ways to Cook a Round Steak

Tips for Cooking Round Steak - Simple, Fast and …[Read More...]

Does Pregnancy Cause Flu-Like Symptoms?

Does Pregnancy Cause Flu-Like Symptoms?

Several pregnancy symptoms do indeed mimic flu symptoms, …[Read More...]

How Early to Take a Pregnancy Test

How Early to Take a Pregnancy Test

If you are trying to become pregnant or suspect you might …[Read More...]

How to Fix a Broken Slab of Marble

How to Fix a Broken Slab of Marble

Marble is a favorite stone in home décor due to its unique …[Read More...]

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use

Copyright © 2019 · Mom, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc. The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.