• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

Do You Over-Praise Your Kids?

May 24, 2011 by dvolpitta Leave a Comment

“That’s beautiful, honey! I love it.”
“You are such a great artist!”
“Awesome job!”

 Don’t we want our kids to have positive self-esteem? So, complimenting them is a good thing, right? That depends.

Self-esteem is a funny thing. We can’t make our kids feel good about themselves by showering them with praise. In fact, that has the potential to actually do just the opposite.

In the first place, when we over-praise our children, it sends a message that they can’t trust us to be honest. If kids do a lousy job on something, they know it. If we say it is great just to make them feel better, it just makes them feel worse.

Additionally, when we over-praise, we rob them of the motivation to try harder. Why keep working if mom and dad say that what I did was great?

Kids need challenges to make them feel good about themselves. They need to feel the experience of working hard to accomplish something and the pride that goes along with it. That is what increases their self-esteem.

So, as a parent, what types of praise works best?

First, it needs to be honest. Kids will appreciate it if you give them honest feedback. If it is not their best work, encourage them to go back and improve it or ask them to evaluate it. Now, let’s be clear here –we are judging honestly based on developmental ability and effort. If your three-year-old works hard on something and does a good job for him, praise is certainly appropriate, even if doesn’t quite look like the horse that he saw at the farm that day.

Second, praise is most effective if it is specific. “That’s great!” doesn’t go nearly as far as “You did a really nice job today of including your sister in your playdate. It made her feel really special and makes me proud that you are so considerate.” Kids love it when you notice. My daughter tries her hardest to hide the smile when I point something out that she has done well. It never works.

When praise is effective, kids know that it is deserved. They know that they have worked hard and done well. And when praise is deserved, it feels really good. And that is motivation to work even harder.

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Uncategorized

About dvolpitta

As Founder and Education Director of Pathways to Empower, Donna Volpitta, Ed.D. makes the brain science of resilience and mental health easy to understand and apply. Her Resilient Mindset Model, which draws on the latest research in neurology, psychology and education, has been applied to areas of leadership from parenting to corporate management. Donna is co-author of the book The Resilience Formula: A Guide to Proactive–Not Reactive-Parenting, author of Neuroworld: A Guide for Teaching the Brain Science of Resilience, and co-creator of the Nametags Education Program. She lives in New York and has four teenagers.

A former classroom teacher with experience in both general and special education, Donna holds a doctoral degree in Learning Dis/Abilities from Teachers College, Columbia University.  She is also the parent of four children.
 

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Search

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Featured

Kissing Kids on the Lips: Fine or Not?

I recently read an article that says that parents should not … [Read More...] about Kissing Kids on the Lips: Fine or Not?

Must Have

STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

April has arrived which means it’s time to pull out the food … [Read More...] about STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

Did you know?

Children Overcome a Fear of Water

How Do Children Overcome a Fear of Water?

pregnancy & tooth pain

Pregnancy & Tooth Pain

Baby Hair Growth

Baby Hair Growth

Clean the Smell From the Inside of a Leather Jacket

How to Clean the Smell From the Inside of a Leather Jacket

toddler hair growth

Toddler Hair Growth

tricks to get pen stains out of light clothes

Tricks to Get Pen Stains Out of Light Clothes

How to Take Wrinkles Out of Polyester With Steam

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2022 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.