A few weeks ago I found out about one of THE funniest blogs I have ever seen through a couple of lovely blog friends! It is no exaggeration to say that I am beyond thrilled to share with you a guest post from Amber Dusick founder of
Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

Be prepared to laugh…

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We are having breakfast. It is one of those days where we don’t have anything planned. One of those days where we are just going to let the day lead us and see what happens.

Those days can be long. Endless.

Fortunately, my four year old has an idea for what he’d like to do.

 

His suggestion is to tell me one of his pirate stories. He loves telling me these. 

 

 

So I agree and start taking breakfast dishes into the kitchen and tell him to follow me.

 

 

It starts out like all of his pirate stories start out. Yes, I have heard this one. Roughly 1327 times. They all have slight variations but the plot is essentially the same. 

Just to spoiler it for you, this is his pirate story formula: give the pirates names, describe what the pirates look like, describe the ship, find a map, find island, find treasure. Yay!

Only this time he seems to be getting really into the details.

 

 

But the formula is firmly in place, it just took longer to find a map. I’m enjoying it though, silently praising his creativity and attention to visual detail. 

 

 

They eventually find the island. Phew, this one IS taking a long time. 

 

 

Finally, treasure has been found! Yay! 

I applaud.

I’m also secretly applauding myself for being the type of attentive mom that actively listens to a two hour long pirate story. I imagine someone presenting me with a “good mom” award even.

 

 

But he isn’t done.

What? What happened to the time-tested formula? Treasure always signals the end!

Not this time. Apparently, there is a plot twist. Oh yes.

 

 

Another map.

Dammit. 

Reluctantly, I hand back my imaginary good mom award. Because I’m not going to listen to this shit all day.

 

 

This is the story that never ends. And I mostly tune it out. I don’t even think he stops to take breaths. It just goes on and on…

 

 

and on and on…

 

 

and on and on…

 

 

and on and on…

The entire day. Not a single non-pirate chatter moment. He does. not. stop. talking!

Until, finally, bedtime has arrived and he announces the end of the story.

 

 

Hooray!! I’m so elated it is over. No more pirate talk!

But I celebrated too soon.

 

 

Now he wants to talk about the story. Oh please, no. I just can’t.

 

 

So I make it clear that it is late and if he wants a bedtime story we’ll have to start it now. No time to talk about pirates. 

I’m so done with pirates. I’m done!

 

 

Oh.

I guess I’m not.

 

 

 

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Thank you Amber for adding so much laughter to my life!

Visit Amber Dusick’s hilarious site for lots more laughs- Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

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