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Funny Parenting Tweets

February 21, 2014 by Madison Pados Leave a Comment

This week’s best parenting humor in 140 characters or less 

My 5yo just told me our house is a dump. I was hoping he’d be at least seven before he realized that.

— AstronAmy (@SpacePlankton) February 20, 2014


Always scared that the white noise machine over the baby monitor is going to start delivering messages from the dead like that movie.

— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) February 18, 2014


When I boast to my wife that I’m better at loading the dishwasher, I can’t help feeling that tho I may have won a battle, I’ve lost the war.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 19, 2014


My daughter just asked to see Ramen Hood. Presumably about a guy who steals noodles from the rich….

— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) February 19, 2014


“Moooooommmmm. Dad’s mocking me in silence again!” – my narc 5-year-old. #dads

— daddyfiles (@DaddyFiles) February 17, 2014


One day people will sing songs and write poems about the god damned epic battle I just had with my 7yo about the correct answer to 7×7.

— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) February 19, 2014


Stickers were sent by the devil to keep me from having nice things.

— SnuggleMummy (@NinsMum) February 17, 2014


My son just said, “I just, totally, like, totally, um…” And then I moved my whole family out of California for the rest of their lives.

— charliecapen (@charliecapen) February 19, 2014


I like to play this fun game with parenting where I try to shove an entire Reese’s heart in my mouth before the kids get into the kitchen.

— Martinis & Minivans (@martinisandmini) February 19, 2014


I’m not above googling horrifying photos of dreadlocks to get Anna to brush her hair.

— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) February 18, 2014


I find the best way to improve a rough day is to run face-first into a door like I just did. Really makes everything else pale in comparison

— AnotherBottleofWhine (@KateWhineHall) February 17, 2014


Kids at the American Museum of Natural History at 4pm have pretty much the same expression & demeanor of drunk adults on the subway at 2am.

— Amy Shearn (@amyshearn) February 19, 2014


Want more parenting humor? Check out the links below:

What Kids Think About Love & Marriage
Parenting Test: Are You Ready To Have A Baby?
Funny Homework Answers From Kids
6 Parenting Mistakes You’re Probably, Definitely Going To Make

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Filed Under: Parenting

About Madison Pados

Madison is a prolific writer who has been contributing to ModernMom since 2010. She has 4 children and has taken a long hiatus from her 'real job' as an educational psychologist to spend more time with her kids. She loves cooking, organizing, exercising, traveling and stealing a little me-time when she can.

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