Fitness expert Rebecca Cardon, from Amazing Race and Bravo’s Workout, opens up about her decision to freeze her eggs, chronicling the process from beginning to end. When your body’s ready for a baby but your mind isn’t quite there, egg freezing buys some time for the mind and body to get on the same page.
I always believed when I was a teenager that by the time I was 37, I would be married with 2.5 children.
I grew up in a small town in Virginia where becoming a mother and wife was the expected next step succeeding college. Upon graduation, I moved to Los Angeles to begin my life in an alternate direction. I assumed I would eventually desire marriage and a family, but establishing my career was paramount and having a husband and a baby were low on the priority list.
As the years passed, I sat on the peripheral of my closest friend’s weddings, watching them take vows and promise till death do them part. I sat dumbfounded, usually with my boyfriend du jour, shuddering at the thought of making that kind of commitment. I never wanted to limit my experiences so I always had one foot in, one foot out, commitment-phobe poster girl. After the weddings, came the babies and once again, I watched my former bar-hopping friends holding their newborns and wonder if that maternal thing would ever kick in for me.
At the start of 2013, I embarked on a journey to reboot my system. Most of my life, I have sought the approval of men. I needed their validation and affirmation to make me feel okay in this world. After my last breakup, I decided it was time to dig deep and cultivate attributes I knew I had, but didn’t fully believe in. I cut out sex (120 days and counting), began yoga and mediation while observing the slow and steady transformation of every component of my life. I still do not feel ready for a child, but I do believe the more I grow and evolve the more I will want to experience the miracle of giving life to another.
Or, maybe I won’t.
The only thing for certain is that my eggs are getting old. I will be 38 in June and my brain has yet to hop on board with what my body presently wants. This is the reason I have decided to freeze my eggs. Maybe I will be dying for a baby in a couple of years, or perhaps I will decide children aren’t for me. Either way, I do not want any biological doors to shut if I can keep them open a bit longer.
I am excited, nervous, anxious, freaking out and elated over this process. I never thought it would come to this, but mine is the life I have constructed. The choices I have made and the roads I have consciously taken have led me to this place and if given the opportunity to go back and choose differently, I wouldn’t.
Recently, a family friend in her late fifties sat me down, looked into my eyes and said “Rebecca, I don’t have any regrets in my life, except one. I wished I had frozen my eggs when I was your age. A child is the one thing missing.” This woman, a former supermodel, was career obsessed when she married her husband in her late thirties. She put having a baby on the back burner because her full, exciting life left little room for anything outside of fancy parties and exotic destinations. When the party came to an end, it was too late. As I sat across from her in a restaurant in Chelsea a few weeks ago, I watched her sip her wine with sadness that was palpable. I don’t want that to be me.
Thank you for accompanying me on this voyage as I might need to hold your hand from time to time. Today I completed my first round of blood work to test my eggs viability. This process is going to be lesson in letting go and allowing what is meant to be, be.