• Home
  • Brooke Burke
  • Must Have
  • Recalls
  • Contributors
  • Contests & Twitter Parties
  • Become An Insider
  • ModernMom Store

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • Ask Dr. Psych Mom
  • Cooking
  • Around The House
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
  • Career
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Hot Topics
  • Games
You are here: Home / Uncategorized / Your Kids & The Line Between Being Assertive and Rude

Your Kids & The Line Between Being Assertive and Rude

June 16, 2010 by womenonthefence Leave a Comment

We all want assertive kids. We all want polite kids. We all want kids with great self esteem and a high confidence level. I am sure no one is on the fence here. Where the lines get blurred, is how to raise an assertive child, to teach them to get their needs met, without being obnoxious and rude.

Assertive in kids

I know an assertive kid who totally comes off as rude and obnoxious, but he definitely gets his needs attended to. I look at my big son– he is ANYTHING but rude, but we are working on his assertiveness, and trying to teach him how to ask for what he wants. My little son on the other hand, walks into a room, and you know he’s there, boy! He asks for what he wants, he gets what he needs and he’s super assertive. But with him, I have to be careful he doesn’t cross the rudeness line. God bless my two polar opposite children. Besides them both being handsome like their dad, you’d never guess they were related! Yesterday morning, I caught my little guy singing, “Shake your balls, shake your balls.” When I asked him who taught him this song, he told me it was this one kid in his class… the SWEETEST kid in his class.  My husband and I don’t believe him. And when his actions evoke a strong reaction from my husband, that’s all my little one needs… he RUNS with it… “Shake your balls, shake your balls, shake your balls….”

assertive vs rude

 

So, back to assertiveness. What does “being assertive” mean anyhow, and how can you teach your children to be assertive without being rude. Let’s take a look.

Basic concept:

Assertion theory is based on the premise that every individual possesses basic human rights:

  • the right to be treated with respect
  • the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them
  • the right to refuse requests without having to feel guilty or selfish
  • the right to ask for what you want (realizing that the other person has the right to say ‘no’)
  • the right to be listened to and to be taken seriously
  • the right to say “I don’t understand”
  • the right to ask for information

The reason assertive people often come off as rude or controlling, is because most people do not like to be told what to do, or how to do it. This holds true for both adults and children. So the key to assertiveness is learning how to stand up for yourself, without making others feel imposed upon. Assertiveness is a skill anyone can develop with time and the proper practice.

Therefore, in raising assertive children that can stand up for themselves, and that aren’t rude, here are five important tips.

  1. You must be the role model. Your children will copy you. So, if you want them to have integrity and assertiveness, model good behavior. Don’t be weak, your children will see it. Stand up for your beliefs and views, even if it means going against the grain. You have to explain to them that standing up for what they believe in may feel uncomfortable or strange, but it is the right way to go… to stand up for their own rights, and the rights of others.
  2. When your child acts assertively, praise them. Let your kids know that you value people who speak their mind. Positively reinforce their actions if they displayed good behavior, for example, “Jenny, I love how you spoke up for yourself when Tyler was being mean to you.” When you show your children you value and honor this type of behavior, they will better assert themselves.
  3. Controversial but here goes: Try and find a few less domineering friends for your kids. If your child has the tendency to be a shyer, less assertive type, and seems to cling to a bossy and domineering friend, give him the opportunity and expose him to a less domineering friend. Not everyone may agree, but it has been proven to be a confidence booster if their spirit is not constantly being squashed by the aggressive playmate. Being around a less domineering friend may teach and encourage your child to speak up a little more.
  4. Provide leadership opportunities early. New studies show that kids gain confidence by entering into individual sports, team sports, activities, extra-curricular activities, group projects etc. And the key factor behind it is… the earlier the better. So provide opportunities for your children to be a member of a team, or even the team captain. Encourage them to take charge of a project or even organize the schoolyard soccer game. There are other programs you can expose your children to such as public speaking, singing, acting classes, where they can demonstrate overt kinds of leadership. These have all been proven to boost confidence.
  5. Teach your child C.A.L.M. assertion. There are four steps that help kids stand up and speak up for themselves or others if verbally attacked. Here are the four steps to C.A.L.M.

C – Stay Cool. If you get upset, ticked off, cry, pout you don’t appear as confident.
A – Assert yourself. Teach your child a few comeback lines to say in different situations.
L – Look the person in the eye. The best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact.
M – Mean it. Teach your child the difference between how an insecure and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm tone–but not yelling tone–to get his point across.

(Kidscape & Michele Borba)

Teaching your  children how to be assertive without being rude is no small undertaking. But remember, all the cliches are true… “you reap what you sew, ” and “you get out what you put in.”  Spend the time with your kids, talking and teaching. I try my best, lord knows! My kids and I are all works in progress, but I see major improvements the more I work with them, and for me, there is nothing more thrilling. I just came from my son’s preschool graduation, and when he confidently walked over to get his graduation certificate, I beamed with pride. And then I wept….

xoxEDxox

www.WomenOnTheFence.com

Tell us, are you raising assertive kids? If so, what are your tips and suggestions? Have you ever seen your kids behave rudely in a public situation and not known how to handle it? Please share your thoughts with our readers.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Digg
  • MySpace
  • Reddit
  • Technorati
  • LinkedIn
  • Google Bookmarks
  • Yahoo! Bookmarks
  • email
  • RSS

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Uncategorized

About womenonthefence

Erica Diamond is the Founder and Editor-In-Chief of WomenOnTheFence.com, Entrepreneur, Author, Blogger, Speaker, Radio Correspondent, and Spokesperson. After enjoying seven years of great financial success with her Company, Erica sold her business in 2006 to Canada's Largest Bag Retail Chain. Her business journey along the way has awarded her a Young Entrepreneur Award, Top 30 under 30 Entrepreneur Award, Top 40 under 40 Entrepreneur Award nomination, among numerous others, and finally, The Profit Hot 50 Award - One of Canada's 50 Emerging Growth Companies. Erica Diamond is the author of the new release, The 99 Things Women Wish They Knew... Before Starting Their Own Business, endorsed by names such as Sarah Ferguson, The Duchess of York and Brooke Burke, and Suzy Welch. Women on the Fence was recently named FORBES TOP 100 SITES FOR WOMEN. Erica Diamond has been named 25 Best Twitter Feeds For Women, 50 Best Blogs By Women, and was recently named to the coveted list of THE TOP 20 WOMEN IN CANADA.

xoxEDxox

Search

  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ModernMom Boutique ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Kissing Kids on the Lips: Fine or Not?

Kissing Kids on the Lips: Fine or Not?

I recently read an article that says that parents should not …[Read More...]

ModernMom TV

Pregnancy and Sinus Pain

Pregnancy and Sinus Pain

According to Lisa Rodriguez, R.N., contributing writer for …[Read More...]

When to Take a Toddler to the Emergency Room With a Fever

When to Take a Toddler to the Emergency Room With a Fever

When you touch your toddler's forehead and it feels like …[Read More...]

When Can a Baby Hear in the Womb ?

When Can a Baby Hear in the Womb ?

A baby develops the ability to hear in the womb at about 18 …[Read More...]

Breast Pains & Pregnancy

Breast Pains & Pregnancy

The enlarged breasts associated with pregnancy might be the …[Read More...]

Upper Abdominal Pain in Pregnancy

Upper Abdominal Pain in Pregnancy

If you have upper abdominal pain in pregnancy, it's not …[Read More...]

The Average Breast Size of a Woman

The Average Breast Size of a Woman

Breasts are significant features of the female anatomy. …[Read More...]

How Long to Bake a Pre-Cooked Frozen Casserole?

How Long to Bake a Pre-Cooked Frozen Casserole?

How to Bake a Pre-Cooked Casserole Without Burning the Edges …[Read More...]

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use

Copyright © 2019 · Mom, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc. The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.