8 Horrifying Facts About Raising Boys
4 mins read

8 Horrifying Facts About Raising Boys

Usually I blog about tablet technology (which you can read about here) but since I’ve spent the last five days with my two young boys, 3 years old and 4 ½,  I thought I would change things up a bit.

The more parenting I do the more I realize that it is about survival and nature over nurture, particularly when raising boys.

Here are a few of my observations:

1. Moms who have boys dress for functionality a.k.a. survival as opposed to moms with girls, who (sigh) look all pretty and dressed up.

That’s not to say that moms of boys don’t look put together, it’s just different. I dress each morning to ensure that if I have to do the 100 meter dash to catch my son I can.

2. I understand why there is so much fighting in the world.

My boys love each other very much, but let me tell you 15 seconds after they get up in the morning, there can be screaming and fighting over a toy, a day-old dried-up blueberry or a sock. It doesn’t matter. There always seems to be the need to show who is more dominant in the relationship at any given time.

3. I know more about dinosaurs, monitor lizards, trains, Pokémon and Minecraft than I can imagine.

At some point this information will be useful, right?

4. My bathroom constantly smells like an outhouse and there is nothing I can do about it, no matter how often I clean it.

Apparently, aiming for a large white bowl is a daily challenge. I guess having a small dangling thing between your legs is tough. (I must admit I’m really glad I don’t have one.)

5. Farting is the funniest thing EVER

Not only is it funny, but it must be done and then announced at every single occurrence. And if someone else farts, we cannot allow them their dignity, we must proclaim it loudly for all the world to know. And then make-up songs to sing about it. Or fake it all with the famous arm-pit fart.

6. Burping is the next funniest thing EVER

Your son will guzzle whatever drink is near at hand just so he can produce the greatest burp possible. He will attempt to say the alphabet while burping, he will say burp while burping, he will do whatever he can while burping. He will rank his burps, and he will do this all at your family dinner, at a restaurant.

7. Feet stink like death

Do not, for the love of all that is holy, place your son’s feet, socks, or shoes closer than 25 feet from your nose unless you want your nose to literally peel off your face and run away. I suggest placing all footwear outside at all times, in a gallon of Febreeze.

8. Teeth can somehow get brushed without ever getting the toothbrush wet

I don’t get this one. You tell them to go brush their teeth, they stay in the bathroom for 45 minutes, and they still manage to come out having forgotten to brush their teeth. Then you ask them if they did and they are adamant that the teeth have been brushed, and yet the toothbrush is as dry as the Sahara.

Butwhile all of the above makes life interesting (as well as making me want to pull my hair out on many occasions), there is one aspect of raising boys that is very special – it is the unconditional love a mother receives. It is wholesome, honest and unbreakable. Is my life chaotic, absolutely, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Agree or disagree -what’s the best thing about raising boys?

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