By Man On The Fence
He’s back again! Giving us ladies a man’s view on how to connect to the opposite sex. What do you think?
One of the reasons I have chosen to blog, particularly on Women On The Fence’s Blog, is because I often feel there is a total disconnect with women. I am not referring to myself here, as I feel sufficiently equipped with the fortitude and depth to relate well enough. In fact, I feel so convinced of my capacity to understand the other sex; I agree with women much of the time! I connect.
For many women throughout their lives, their male influences rarely present them an opportunity to understand the depth and complexity of male issues. I think there is a falsely pre-determined notion in society that leads women to believe certain myths; that men are the providers, that men are less involved in family life, men do the cheating, men are strong and insensitive, and men do not truly connect with their spouses. I am living proof that there is a side to men that most women have chosen to ignore or simply do not make the effort to understand. We connect, you just have to know how.
I have witnessed over the years how many women get far too wrapped up in countless meaningless events, which take away from the seriousness of their partnership. Sorry to sound cruel, but it’s true. Some women are so focused on uneventful happenings, that they simply ignore some of the major issues their husbands are facing daily. Whether it is the obligation to be a good lover, son, husband, father, business man, community man or to simply ensure we wake up with a smile on our face, we must do our best to keep our wives fed and happy, our children clothed and sheltered, and ourselves sane. I have done my best to provide all these things for my loved ones. I take my responsibilities very seriously.
And while I shared both my struggles and successes with my ex wife, there were countless things I simply couldn’t, or maybe wouldn’t convey. I chose to spare my family the real toll that the daily wear and tear was taking on me, and takes on all of us men. Many may feel this holding back is the improper way to be… that we are sheltering our loved ones from reality. I feel it is the burden I bear as a man, to allow everyone around me to get the best, spare them from the worst and absorb the remaining bits of anguish. For that sacrifice, we need a partner to re-balance our shared equity. We truly require warmth, compassion and most of all UNDERSTANDING. Even if you can’t fully appreciate the severity in which your man sees his own life, through his lens, it is important to try. That helps in each and every way.
Far too often men are thought of as “objective and un-emotional.” This is not true, and this incongruent thinking drives a further wedge in getting men and women to come together and understand one another. The lack of understanding between the sexes can lead to senseless aggravation and stupidity, even amongst the most committed and loving of partners. While many men can vouch for the motherly and tender manner in which their wives care for their children, most men get the tail end of those feelings, if any. Often there’s little left for us after our wives have cared for everyone around them. I understand it’s not intentional. And I understand the many struggles women face today, especially in these economic times. However, there is the middle ground, whereby the we hope for respect in many moments.
So if you feel it is within your capacity to tweak certain behaviors, small gestures can make a huge difference (I know it is two-sided and we must pull our weight too. I totally get this). But there are so many ways to connect to us; just doing some small and kind things, being patient, responsible and helpful. Just like you have dreaded days, your partner does too. Think of having to switch positions with him and take a moment to decide if that is something you would want to do and could easily do, without melting from the turmoil.
There will always be issues in a relationship that will tilt the scales in one of your favors. It’s a partnership and life happens. But by taking the time to learn and listen, even if you’ve been together for years, it will pay off handsomely. Most men are simply looking for a small bout of compassion. Many will settle for far less than they deserve. It is up to you to do your part, to put your feelings on the line, put the phone down, shut the rest of the world off for a sacred moment, to love and cherish your man.
Wow, ladies, what do you think? I am on the fence. I sometimes don’t know how much to give to my man, until I feel my needs are not being met. What do you think about his perspective?