This Week In Funny Parenting Tweets

The week’s best parenting humor, in 140 characters or less.

Oh my God! Red sauce touched the girls’ pasta. NATIONAL EMERGENCY! NATIONAL EMERGENCY!
— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) February 28, 2014

I don’t want to brag, but my 3yo is slamming doors in my face at an eighth grade level.
— SnuggleMummy (@NinsMum) March 6, 2014

Her:You should see our new kitchen floors. They’re made of marble. Me: Are you guys having kids? Her: Yes. Me: Soon they’ll be made of food.
— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) March 2, 2014

You get to see so many wonderful things over again through your child’s eyes, but you also get to see math homework.
— Suburban Snapshots (@SuburbanSnaps) March 4, 2014

If only we could harness the renewable energy of toddler tantrums.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) March 6, 2014

I learned a lot during tonight’s Family Nerf Gun War. For example, I WILL sacrifice my daughter for a clear shot at my husband.
— Wendy (@maughammom) March 5, 2014

In case you were wondering if miracles really do happen, I just left Target for less than $20.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) March 4, 2014

Funny how you don’t realize your daughter’s best friend is a balloon until the cat jumps on it, claws out.
— LetMeStartBySaying (@LetMeStart) March 4, 2014

I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on my hair today. Apparently the unwashed, unbrushed look is all the rage right now. #HotMama #ItsJustSweat
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) March 4, 2014

Me: Ow! Why’d you hit me with your fairy wand?
3-year-old daughter: It’s a lightsaber!
I’ve never gone from anger to pride so fast.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 2, 2014

Why You Probably Don’t Want to Give Your Kid Cookies and Juice Right Before Bed and Other Lessons of a First-Time Parent
— That Carly Girl (@thatcarlygirl) March 4, 2014