How to Think Like a Mom
3 mins read

How to Think Like a Mom

My eyes open.  I look at the clock: 5:36 am.  I hear the baby babbling in his crib over the monitor, as I try to shake the fogginess out of my brain.

What day is it?  It’s Tuesday, yes, Tuesday.  Ugh.  Only Tuesday?  Did I make the kids lunch last night?  Shit, I forgot.  I’ve got to get it together.  Oh, isn’t today share day for miss muffin top?  Damn it, who was I supposed to call yesterday?  I know I forgot someone…Ok, focus.  What do I have to do today?  Get up.  Good start.  Get ready, wake the kids, change the baby’s diaper, feed everyone breakfast, pack their lunch, ask them over and over again if they brushed their teeth.  Pee.  Don’t forget to pee.  Remember the last UTI?  Don’t want that again.  Let the dog out, feed him and give him fresh water.  Out the door by 7:30, the kids can’t be late for school AGAIN.  Baby needs a nap once we’re home, after his snack.  Groceries.  Laundry.  Pay bills.  Return phone calls.  Return emails.  EAT.  Sweep up the mess from breakfast, because the dog doesn’t like scrambled eggs, remember?  Spoiled dog.  I should probably make something real for dinner tonight, not hot dogs or frozen pizza again.

But the baby gets into everything these days, when can I cook?  Yeah, it’s probably pizza again.  At least tomato sauce is considered a vegetable, right? Put laundry in the dryer.  Y’now, the load from three days ago that stinks of mildew and needs to go through the wash again.  Snack for baby.  Who was it that I forgot yesterday?  Volunteer at the school for something, can’t remember what, but they’re always asking.  Squeeze in a shower, maybe. That would be nice.  Relaxing.  Refreshing.  Ooops, no time, gotta go drop off dry cleaning and back to pick up the kids.  Homework again?!  Y’now, those articles on the schools without homework are now making much more sense.  Look into NO HOMEWORK schools.  Feed them dinner.  Frozen pizza’s are the best.  Send a thank you letter to D’igiorno.  Bath.  Pj’s.  Bed.  Maybe take that shower.  No!  Don’t forget the laundry, it’s still in the washing machine.  Do that first.  Wash the dishes.  Take out the trash.  Sweep up dinner, the dog doesn’t like to eat the crusts.  Damn spoiled dog.  Ok, shower time.  Moisturize.  Pj’s.  Get under the soft, fluffy, down comforter and let out a sigh.  Sweet, sweet bed.  Oh shit!  The kids are definitely going to need lunch again tomorrow.  Gotta get up and do that….meh, do it in the morning.

I look up at the clock.  5:38 am.  I’m already exhausted.  It’s going to be a long day. A normal day. A mother’s day.


For more musings and jokes, visit me at MrsMuffinTop.

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