In order to significantly decrease snapping or yelling at my kids in frustration, the most effective tool I found was a change in attitude. When I first wrote No More Shouting Please I knew I had a very strong desire to stop creating the unpleasant environment that shouting creates. I also knew that in order to do this it must come from within me. As a parent, I need to set the example ‘be the change I want to see’.
Having this desire to make my interactions more pleasant, especially in times of frustration, I opened myself up to finding a new way. I believe my openness and hunger to change this aspect is what led me to the answer I was searching for. Although I didn’t have the epiphany over night, the knowledge I longed for still found its way to me.
The best way to change is to change your attitude. It is truly that simple. Sometimes I think we miss the message because we expect it to be complicated or require huge amounts of effort, when really if you let yourself go with the flow it is so easy. Although I have not yet cut shouting out of my life 100% it has significantly decreased, and I do absolutely believe it is possible to remove it completely. I really don’t know if I would have had the confidence to say such a thing before my change in attitude.
Here is what I do when I am faced with a challenge, a moment where previously I would most likely resort to yelling. I intentionally focus on the light in my children. Another way of saying it is- I focus on their divinity. When I do that I see past the parent/child roll playing. I look at their light in this world as equal to my light. I can actually smile seeing their stage of development which includes rebellion from parents, learning about wants and now. When you look at their actions in this way they are far less frustrating, and dare I say beautiful.
It occurred to me that this change in attitude is relevant to all interactions with people. Those moments when you are feeling challenged at the core by someone else’s actions or words, focus on the light within them, their divinity. Realize that all people contain this light, and at times they are not in touch with it, but they are no less good. Have compassion and love people when they deserve it the least, because the light within them always deserves it whether or not they are letting that light shine through. That is the key to forgiveness. If you can see the light in someone, which is there, it is always there no matter how dim it may seem, you Can forgive.
You tube video: African Childrens Choir: 2008 “This Little Light of Mine”
I salute the light within you, my friends!