Let’s say you’re in a long-term relationship (either married or living together), and sex with your partner has become as frequent as a Paris Hilton Oscar nomination. What do you do to get the fire burning again? As a dating coach and a man who’s been there himself, I have a few tips to share with you:
1. Go out on a date with your partner and reconnect emotionally with him. Enjoy a night together without the children, without ESPN SportsCenter blaring in the background, without the Lifetime TV movie of the week playing, and without your BlackBerry next to you. Go out on a date like you did in the beginning of your relationship. Get all dolled up, splash on your favorite perfume, and go out and flirt with your long-time boyfriend or husband. It’s not just the time spent together that’s important to your partner – he also loves knowing that you’ve made an effort for him.
2. Set up a treasure hunt that takes the two of you to a different part of town. Most cities have cheaper hotel rates on the weekend, especially in the business district, an area that typically clears out by Saturday morning. Line up a trusted babysitter for the kids, and tell your husband that you have a surprise for him on Saturday night. That evening, check into the hotel by yourself, and then feed your husband clues, one by one, about where to meet you. For example, “Meet me in the parking lot of the supermarket at 6:00 p.m.” You want to throw him totally off base.
When he gets to the market, text him this message: “Pick up two bottles of [your favorite bottle of wine]. Further instructions to follow in 20 minutes.”
In twenty minutes, text him again and say “Meet me in the lobby of Hotel ____. It’s located at the corner of ____ & _____. Text me when you get to the lobby.”
When he does, text him back and say “Go up to Room ___ and knock four times so I’ll know it’s you.” When he arrives at the room, be sure to have candles lit everywhere. You should be sheathed in something sexy.
Have mood-setting music playing, a big frothy bath bubbling away, and massage oil by the bed. Allow the night to be all about pampering each other. The bounty in this treasure hunt is you, of course, and the two of you will be in for some major passion and reconnection.
For those of you who’ve gone a while without putting aside such special time for each other, you might feel awkward doing something as elaborate as this. But trust me, the effort will be worth it. And the night will set the stage for other rendezvous to follow.
3. One night a week, set up an at-home pampering night. Take turns so that one week it’s your turn to indulge him, and the next week it’s his turn to return the favor. “Pampering night” can involve an array of different things: a picnic in the bedroom, giving a hot oil massage, or getting creative again with your sexual desires for each other.
Keeping it hot with your husband is all about tossing some spice into the everyday mix. If you’d like more tips on how to turn up the heat in your relationship, feel free to email me. Just write “Modern Mom in Need of Love” in the subject line. I’ll be sure to send you some more of my favorite sure-fire recipes to get your love life back on track.
Dating coach, blogger and author David Wygant has been featured on more than 2,000 radio and television shows including Dateline, CBS Good Morning, and MTV. Get more sex and dating tips on David’s interactive blog at davidwygant.com