Reasons for Love Affairs

Love affairs happen all the time and they can ruin even the best of marriages. In fact, expert Peggy Vaughan, author of “To Have and To Hold,” states that the conservative estimate is that 60 percent of men will cheat and 40 percent of women will stray. Because every relationship is unique, there are unique reasons that people cheat. Understanding some of the potential reasons why a mate might stray can help you stop affairs before they happen.

Emotional Distance

If you’ve been with your partner for several years, you may begin to develop an emotional distance. It may start with something as simple as both of you being busy all the time, but then eventually moves to a place where you aren’t talking much and are afraid or just don’t share feelings anymore. You may find that you connect with someone else and you start to turn to that person for your emotional needs, rather than turning to your partner. This is how affairs often start.

Incompatible Sex Drives

You can only take “no” as an answer so many times before you think about turning to someone else for sex. Couples face a lot of pressure from their daily lives, including work, cleaning, taking care of children and making meals. In the few minutes that you have to spare, sex may be the last thing on your mind. If your partner wants to have sex more often than you’d like, he may start getting it elsewhere. Vaughan blames the media, which often portrays it as natural for men to have a parade of women who are sexually available to them.

Curiosity

The things you don’t have can look a lot better than the things you do have–and many people have an affair simply because they are curious about what they might be missing. Mira Kirshenbaum, counselor and author of “When Good People Have Affairs,” believes that this is especially true if you got married young and didn’t have a lot of experience before you sealed the deal. You may be wondering what it would be like to be with a man who is more romantic or interested in the type of sex you like.

Desire to Hurt

In some cases, the person having the affair really wants to hurt the other person. Perhaps your husband did something that really hurt your feelings and now you want to get back at him. Having an affair may do that, but it may also ruin your marriage.

Desire to Get Out

Some people will have an affair when they want to get out of a marriage but aren’t strong enough to say that to the other person. Kirshenbaum calls this kind of affair the “Ejector Seat Affair” because the person is using it as a spring board to get out. If your partner is this type of person, he may be hoping that you catch him and that you will be the one to leave the marriage rather than him. Using this method can feel like less of a burden to the one who uses it.