The other day I read an insightful post on a website about why compromising may ruin a marriage. In a compromise, both husband and wife give in a little bit and do not come out feeling completely satisfied. This post inspired me to discuss my own marriage and how keeping score doesn’t work for my relationship.
Why Keeping Score Doesn’t Work
In terms of my own marriage, keeping score doesn’t help us maintain a healthy relationship. To me, keeping score means that if one partner gets to do something, then the other expects something in return, whether that means extra help around the house or the final choice of restaurant for the evening. Why doesn’t this work for me? Because when you try to add it all up, things are never completely “fair.” Keeping score often leads to one or both people feeling slighted or unhappy – not a desired feeling to have in a marriage.
Putting His Needs First
What does work for me in love and important relationships is deciding to put another’s needs in front of my own. I’m sure many parents feel this is what we do on a daily, if not hourly, basis when it comes to our children, but have you considered trying it in your marriage? Putting my husband’s needs in front of my own is the only way I come out feeling at peace. Looking at it in terms of whether or not things are fair just doesn’t work for me. Keep in mind that putting your partner’s needs first only works when you feel equally powerful in your relationship. I know that my needs are important to my husband just as his needs are important to me, so I don’t ever feel second class to him in our marriage.
Easier Said Than Done
Today is the perfect opportunity for me to remind myself of my feelings on this topic. I’m not going to lie; it is much easier said than done! For example, today involves me taking care of our children from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to bed, all by myself…and it’s exhausting! And without my husband’s help for part of the day, I’ve got extra duties around the house, my own plus the ones that he usually takes care of. Extra exhausting!
Here’s to Building Happy Relationships!
My husband is going to play some rounds of tennis after work, followed by drinks and dinner. The fact that it is an especially beautiful day today makes that sound even more amazing to me. But, today is about putting my husband’s needs first, not keeping score. Like I mentioned – easier said than done. But, writing for me is that perfect bridge between where I am and where I want to be! Here’s to building happy relationships!
About the Author
Wendy Irene is mom of two & author of Give Love Create Happiness:
A blog dedicated to giving love and creating happiness with a focus on a balanced lifestyle. www.GiveLoveCreateHappiness.com/blog.html