The old line where the woman says, “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache,” rings true for many women. In fact, sometimes when women get together, they joke about the creative ways they’ve come up with to avoid sex that week. But for many women, this is not a laughing matter. Having sex with your partner should be a joy in your life, and losing your libido can be distressing. Learn why this happens, and you just may get the fire burning once again.

Sexual Disorder

Millions of women, according to Dr. Lissa Rankin’s “Psychology Today” article, don’t want to be sexual anymore. The condition is so widespread that it has a name, hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Doctors define HSDD as having an unexplained loss or reduction of sexual desire. You may still be able to get aroused and achieve orgasm; the problem is you just don’t want to. Causes of HSDD can be both physical and mental.

Circumstances

Circumstances can lead to a women not being interested in sex. If you just delivered a baby, are going through menopause, suffer from depression or are overworked and stressed, sex is probably the last thing on your mind. This loss of libido can be agonizing. You might worry about losing your partner and dread bedtime.

Birth Control Pill

When you stop ovulating because of the birth control pill or menopause, you lose your natural sexual boost. In fact, if you read the list of side effects of the birth control pill, loss of libido is probably one of them. The pill changes your hormonal balance, your androgens in particular, which drives sexuality. The birth control pill also alters your estrogen levels, which are another source of libido. The birth control pill doesn’t have this effect on everyone who takes it, but it may be a cause of your loss of interest in sex. Change in estrogen during menopause can also make your libido wane. Ask your doctor about taking topical estrogen to relieve vaginal dryness.

Emotions

Women tend to connect with their partner outside of sex, while men tend to connect by having sex. If you never feel like having sex, perhaps you should analyze your relationship. Your partner shouldn’t have to wine and dine you every night, armed with a vase full of roses. But if he does little things for you that he knows you appreciate just to make you feel good, those good feelings can lead to your wanting sex.

Proper Diagnosis

If you have a loss of libido, determine why by having a frank discussion with your doctor or with a sex therapist. She’ll want to know whether your loss of sexual desire is something new or whether you’ve always been challenged this way. If this is new, identify any possible reasons, such as the birth control pill, depression or stress. Once you can identify when you lost your desire, treatment can occur.