Each of us has been blessed with unique qualities. No one else in the history of the world has lived through the exact same life experiences as you, thinks the same thoughts as you, or possesses the unique mix of gifts, qualities and even wonderful quirks as YOU. The Divine made all of us with love; each of us is eternally worthy and valuable. Yet, even with each of our unique greatness, most of us have at some point demeaned ourselves, hurt our relationships, and broken our connection with the Divine by comparing ourselves with others.
“Comparisonitis” creeps up on us in ever so subtle ways. Many of us have at times linked our worth to how we fare when measured against a friend, a family member, a coworker, a neighbor, or even a Hollywood star. We long for his big house, their money, her smile and “skinny genes,” another’s athletic or creative talents, and so on, thinking that if only we could be, have, or look like that then we’d be worthy and happy.
It’s also very common to gauge where we are in our lives based on where we observe others to be. For example, while doing readings last week, I talked with a woman who was really down on herself because all of her friends were married but she was still single. As she compared her experience with that of her friends’, she felt she wasn’t where she “should” be and there was something wrong with her as a result. I also did a reading with another person who felt that he was “less than” because he wasn’t making the kind of money his brother was earning. When he thought of how his brother was able to take his family on an amazing safari recently while my client’s family went on a road trip, he concluded that he was inferior and less successful. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
In many ways, it’s a human tendency to want to compare ourselves and get reassurance that we’re moving in the right direction. Ah, yes, I’m referring that our adorably vexing Goblins again—the ego we all have that acts out of fear, anger, and separateness. The problem is that while the Goblin thinks it’s trying to keep us “safe” and make us feel better, comparisons backfire. We’re always going to be able to find someone we perceive as being, having, or doing more. So, instead of feeling affirmed, we often end up feeling lacking. And, if we do feel like we’re the “winner” in the comparison, deep down we usually sense that all the judgment doesn’t put us on our highest path. And, it doesn’t!
Comparisons are about separateness and disconnection. When we compare, our primary focus is ourselves. We get stuck in the “Me Bubble”—the term I use for the limited environment that contains your identity and personal and physical experience. As I talk about in Remembering the Future, when you’re stuck in the “Me Bubble” and your Goblin is running the show, you’re disconnected from the world around you, from your intuition, and from Divine Guidance. Comparisons put strain on your relationship with whomever you’re comparing yourself to. Either you’re going to think you’re inferior or superior, neither of which comes from a place of love. When you compare, you dishonor yourself. You disconnect from your intuition, take yourself off your highest path, and set yourself up for living from a place of lack and fear rather than love. Comparisons are also a disservice to the Divine and the world around you. After all, you were born out of love—not lack or fear—and with a unique mix of gifts that are begging for expression to the world as you move along your unique path, which is yours alone.
Focus on the Best YOU! : Instead of comparing yourself to others, create a habit of only looking at yourself.
Take some time this week to think about how you’ve grown over the course of your life so far. We are always becoming more. Who are you today in comparison to who you were years ago? How have you continued to grow? What are your wins so far this year? Make a list and keep it handy. Whenever you catch yourself making a comparison, turn the focus back to yourself and think of some positive way you’ve grown and evolved.
Also make a list of your own standards for those things that matter to you. Then commit to only compare yourself to your own norms, not someone else’s.
Focus on Connection: Rather than get caught in separateness through comparison, you can develop a new attitude of observing strength in others. Instead of looking at where you might be falling short, admire others for their strength and use that as inspiration.
Quiet Your Goblin: When you put your Goblin to sleep, you quiet the part of you that feels the need to compare out of fear, lack, anger, or separateness, and so on. You reconnect with your higher self, the Divine, and the world around you. So, I encourage you to make time today to do my Goblin meditation, even if you’ve done it before. Better yet, commit to doing this each day this week!