Learning to give up some control when a new man comes into your life

It is easy to think that as a single mom you need to do everything. It is easy to think that, because most of the time you DO do everything. As time goes by, doing everything doesn’t seem as overwhelming as it first did. Daunting, yes, but not nearly so all-consuming.

As the months and the years tick by doing everything becomes your routine. It is the norm. You find systems that are efficient and routines that work best. Doing everything is now your modus operandi. So when someone comes into your life unexpectedly and wants to help you, it can send a single mom into a tail spin!

Let’s say you meet Mr. Perfect tomorrow. What pieces of your life are you going to give him control over? None, right? You don’t know how long he is going to stick around. You don’t want to begin relying on someone else to do something for you, and then have him disappear. But sometimes Mr. Perfect does stick around. He won’t stick around if he feels unwanted and unneeded though. As a man he really, truly wants to help you because you do a lot. It is so easy to tell him, “No thanks! I’ve got this! I can do it all!” because that is what you have been doing. Sometimes giving up a little piece of control is the easiest way to tell a man that you want him to stick around. The good ones, the Mr. Perfects, want to make your life easier. 

The most comfortable way of letting a man into your life is to sit down with him and explain to him why you are hesitant in letting him help. Are you afraid of relying on someone and then having them leave? Are you afraid that he won’t do it the way you want it done? Are you afraid that you will feel weak if you let someone else do something for you? Chances are you will feel more comfortable just getting your fear out in the open.

Then decide what the best first step would be to let him into your life. Does he enjoy automotive projects? Put him in charge of your oil changes and tire rotations. Does Mr. Perfect like to cook? If so, throw than man an apron and a weekly meal menu. Is your nice guy handy with the hammer and drill? Make him your honorary handyman. These are all things that you could take over again if need be, or if you truly miss doing them. But they are also nice to not have to worry about.

Letting a man help you isn’t so much about what it is that he is doing. It is important for him to know that you will let him help you, and you will rely on him and trust that he can do it just as good as you, even if you have to fake that trust for the first few weeks!