• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

5 Things to Consider Before You Friend Your Ex on Facebook

January 6, 2014 by DrAndreaBonior Leave a Comment

Have you ever been tempted to “friend” an ex on Facebook? Here are a few things to consider before you push that button…

1. What’s your real motivation? And are you on the same page? Be honest with yourself. If you really want to friend your ex, then it can’t just be to gaze at his smile or to jealously assess whether his wife is hotter than you. Similarly, if it’s you that really wants a nice, vanilla friendship but you know deep down he’s still pining for you, that’s not a good move either.

2. Is there actual friendship potential? If all you had in common was a fondness for the Spice Channel, that’s probably not the greatest of foundations for a real platonic relationship. Is there actually common ground with interests, senses of humor, goals, or world views? The absence of that can spell, at best, awkwardness, and at worst, a constant regret that you ever associated with him in the first place.

3. What kind of ‘friend’ will he be? If he’s the type to stay in the wordwork, you might even forget you friended him: no harm, no foul. But will he be a constant thorn in your side, opining on your every status update or clogging up your news feed with trivia about Angry Birds? If it’s the latter, you may quickly live to regret your choice. (Of course, you can block him from some of that, but then, what’s really the point of “friending”?)

4. Is there someone else you should consider? It’s not your partner’s right to be overly controlling about who you’re friends with, but it is your responsibility to be respectful. Just as you probably wouldn’t love it if your husband was in constant contact with that supermodel brain surgeon he dated right before you, his discomfort about you discussing lunch options with your ex every day may be real- and significant.

5. How healthy was your relationship- and breakup? If your time together left a lot of scars, or was the least bit emotionally dysfunctional, letting echoes of that back into your life could really be dangerous. Think of how far you’ve come, and the reasons you broke up. Don’t let yourself get sucked into bad patterns just because you clicked a “Send Request” button. About Andrea Bonior

Andrea Bonior is a licensed clinical psychologist, professor at Georgetown University, and writer. For more than five years, Dr. Bonior has written the twice-weekly mental health column “Baggage Check” for the Washington Post’s Express newspaper, known for its wit and frequent pop culture references. She’s appeared regularly on TV, writes a friendship blog here on ModernMom, has written on friendships for Yahoo! Shine, Woman’s Day and more. The Friendship Fix is her first book. www.friendshipfix.com. 

Find Andrea/The Friendship Fix on Facebook 

Follow Andrea on Twitter @DrAndreaBonior

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Relationships

About DrAndreaBonior

Andrea (Gaynor) Bonior is a licensed clinical psychologist, professor, and writer. For more than five years, Dr. Bonior has written the twice-weekly mental health column Baggage Check for the Washington Posts Express newspaper, known for its wit and frequent pop culture references. Shes frequently cited in other media, with her expertise most recently appearing on CNN.com, MSNBC.com, Yahoo!, and Voice of America, and she makes regular appearances on Washington, DCs Lets Talk Live. Her first book, The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up With Your Friends (Thomas Dunne/St. Martins), is due out this Winter. In addition to serving on the adjunct faculty of Georgetown University, she maintains a private clinical psychology practice.

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Search

ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Featured

We Are Never “Asking For It”

The following is a guest post by Alane Miller Howell, … [Read More...] about We Are Never “Asking For It”

Must Have

winter

Pre-Holiday Must-Haves

"It's beginning to look  a lot like Christmas..." The … [Read More...] about Pre-Holiday Must-Haves

Did you know?

Functions of Flour in Baking

What Are the Functions of Flour in Baking?

Natural Remedies to Increase Sperm Count

Natural Remedies to Increase Sperm Count

Baby Brain Development in the Womb

toddler hair growth

Toddler Hair Growth

Baby Hair Growth

Baby Hair Growth

How Long Can Cupcakes Be Stored After Baking

How Long Can Cupcakes Be Stored After Baking?

Cures & Remedies for Head Lice

Cures & Remedies for Head Lice

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2021 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.