You wake up at 5am to a baby crying, but your husband rolls over and continues snoring. With a freshly diapered baby on one hip and a cup of tea in the other hand, you start breakfast, wake up the other kids, get everyone ready for school, get yourself ready for work, and all before six thirty. Your husband strolls into the kitchen looking fresh around seven, gives you a peck on the cheek, and heads off for work. You drop the kids off at school and daycare and spend the next eight hours getting nagged for something a co-worker did. You pick up the kids and head home where you start the laundry and dinner and answer a couple homework questions in between. When you finally have a moment alone with your husband, the only thing you want is for him to rub your back until you fall asleep, but tonight, he’s in the mood. The only thing you can think of is, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
While parents love their children more than anything in the world, sociologists have long studied the effects of having babies on a marriage… the main result? Married people who have children report less satisfaction in their marriage. But with so much else sucking up your energy, how are you supposed to gather up the power, let alone the desire, to get it on after everyone else has gone to sleep?
Set Aside Couple’s Time
In the book, What No One Tells the Bride by Marg Stark, she talks about how the relationship between the parents sets a standard for the children. If the parents make time for each other and continue to work on maintaining their love, they are happier, less stressed, and more loving toward their children. So send the kids to your parents, get a babysitter, or set up play date. Arrange a date night for you and your husband to breathe and enjoy one another’s company.
Do Something Nice for Your Husband
You know how much you like it when he brings you flowers? Even if he says it’s for no reason, it’s really because he wants to see you smile and nothing else has been working lately. Do the same thing for him. Get him a vintage comic book or a new tie. When his face lights up, you’ll feel amazing. Knowing that you contributed to his happiness and then basking in the glow of his praise will make you feel closer, and who knows where that “thank you” kiss will lead.
Establish a New Bedtime Routine
You’ve been brushing your teeth at the same sink every night for how many years? Ooooh, how romantic (unless that really gets you going, in which case, good on you!). Instead of crawling in next to each other and awkwardly waiting to see if he’s going to start something, try to establish a nighttime routine of giving each other a back rub. Bath and Body Works has a great sensual massage oil that smells like jasmine and vanilla. The aromatherapy is relaxing, but between that and him working the kinks out of your shoulders, a simple back massage could get you pretty worked up. If you don’t know how to give each other a good rub down, here’s our favorite.
Work Up a Sweat
Grab a work out video like Crunch Latin Dance Party or Zumba to work up a fun sweat. Thirty minutes of shimmying and shaking what your momma gave you will boost your endorphin levels. For an added plus, get your kids to try and do it with you. You’ll be laughing so hard, your abs will get a better work out. Then, when your guy comes home, the whole family will be in a good mood, your energy will be up and your kids’ energy will be drained. After you put the kids down, you’ll feel the perfect combination of silly and sexy and be ready to put the moves on your man.
Eat Something Yummy
Cook up some salmon with a side of asparagus. We have a list of foods that will boost your man’s sperm count, but a lot of those foods also boost libido for both of you. Drink a little soy milk on the side, because for women, soy contains lots of phytoestrogen that will boost your arousal and sex drive. Another interesting experiment? Get your guy to eat celery. Raw celery makes his body create more of a scentless pheromone secreted in his sweat. You’ll feel a primal draw to him that can only be explained through pheromones.