If there were exact science to spotting men who are abusive women’s rescue shelters around the world would be empty, police could quit answering unfiled incidents of domestic abuse and emergency rooms would be freed up to deal with other emergencies. The sad truth is that there is not an exact science to pick out these men; however, all hope is not lost. There are signs that you can look for that point to a man’s inherent nature to be violent. If you see any of these signs it is a good idea to rethink the relationship and possibly save yourself from unnecessary mental and or physical harm.
Step 1
Recognize that abuse does not have to be physical and that verbal abuse can graduate to physical abuse over time. Recovery-Man, a website designed to help abuse victims, stresses that abusive relationships are often progressive and that an emotion or verbally abusive relationship is just as damaging as a physical relationship and often leads to a physically abusive situation. If you are involved in an emotionally abusive relationship you might not even realize it until it becomes physically violent. For example, if your husband constantly belittles your cooking skills and tells you how you are no good as wife since you can’t even cook his dinner, you might just laugh it off as his teasing you; however, if he comes home tired and hungry and doesn’t like dinner and suddenly throws his plate at you, you might discover that his so-called teasing was truly abuse and you are now seeing the physical side.
Step 2
Watch your man in social situations. According to Angel Tear Drop’s basic profile of an abusive man, taken from abused women’s descriptions of characteristic descriptions of abusive men, abusive men are quick tempered but also able to quickly control their temper in social situations. If you notice that your man is able to show more control than normal in a social situation, for example, he is intentionally saying or doing what is expected of him and expresses his disgust after leaving, this should be a signal that he has an abusive or potentially abusive personality waiting to erupt. A perfect example would be a man who has a different political view than someone at an event, he agrees at the event and yet afterwards if you agree he berates you and starts the verbal and/or physical abuse.
Step 3
Realize your man thinks he is always right or is superior. These are two traits that authors at the Author’s Den point out as being common signs among abusive men. An abusive man, whether physically abusive or mentally abusive will always make it a point to make sure he is right, even if it means blaming others. He is establishing his superiority and making sure you know it. Be aware of these and the other steps described to make a decision on whether or not your man is abusive.
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