Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling completely exhausted wondering why you just wasted 7 hrs of valuable downtime on restless, useless sleep?!? Well that was me! I cannot remember the last night’s sleep I had when I woke up feeling refreshed, eager to start my day. Some may call this depression, not in my case, it’s pure exhaustion. I’m on vacation right now with David, it’s day 3 and I am finally kicking into relaxation mode. I don’t think I have ever been away, with nothing to do, no deadlines, and no one to take care of. Honestly it’s kinda hard in a weird way….I know it’s sad, but my need to be in overdrive keeps me going and allows me to raise 4 kids, run a company and deal with my on camera craziness. Before leaving, I wrote a 2 page document with play by play instructions for all 4 kids…wake-up, meals, after school activities, drop-off, pick up, show and tell, sleep overs, etc. I was seriously worn out by the time I completed it, but also had to laugh at the intricate details it takes to run my brood. This morning realized that I had forgotten to specify which crazy hair-do my girls should be sent off to school with for “crazy hair day”. My bad! But don’t think I forgot to organize the delivery of our bearded dragon for my daughter’s 3rd grade show and tell.
Vacations are supposed to be for unwinding and R&R and here I sit, writing this blog, running through my to do list in my mind and wondering what my family is eating for dinner. Aaah, the joys of motherhood. I must say that there will never be a moment in my hectic life when my children are not front and center in my heart and I am blessed to have them always on my mind.
My man of course may beg to differ, but a mom is always a mom. I know I have to work on the art of letting go even if it is in small doses. You should have seen the scene at the airport when I burst into tears after clearing security knowing that yes, I REALLY was going away without my kids, and NO the flights were not being cancelled, lol. David hugged me, let me weep, and then called Rain who quickly assured me that I was the only one stressing and that she was already into “Mommy & Daddy are away, let’s play” mode.
As always, I have much to learn from my children.
As I sat on the beach trying to decide which sarong and what jewelry to bring home for my kids to help assuage my guilt, my girlfriend shared, “the greatest gift for our children is our return.”
I put my money away and called my children to hear they were having the time of their lives! As always, I stress enough for all of us.