Getting a divorce under the best of circumstances can be stressful, however, there is no reason it has to destroy you. Regardless of whose idea it was to dissolve the marriage, it is never easy to have your entire life handed back to you to start from scratch. Even though you and your spouse are going separate ways, you can keep it peaceful which–in the long run–will be better emotionally for both of you.
Accept that your spouse is never truly going to change and let go of the anger about it. For many couples, trying to change each other becomes a full-time effort that brings stress and anger with it. If you can accept that your spouse is who he is and that he is not going to change, you will find that your resentment starts to disappear.
Set aside time to grieve. A divorce gives you back your life and tells you that what you thought would be is no longer a reality. Viewing divorce as a death of a marriage and allowing yourself to grieve will give you an outlet for your feelings. This will allow you to move forward once the grief process is over.
Let go of the anger. Whether your spouse cheated on you, drank, took you for granted or committed other sins of marriage, once the decision to divorce is made, it is time to let go of the anger. Letting go can also include accepting that your soon-to-be ex has a right to happiness in his future endeavors. Accepting your divorce means you accept that you and your spouse are returned to your pre-marriage status, in which neither of you have a right to tell the other what to do.
Remember what you liked about your spouse before you were married. Just because you no longer love each other the way you once did, the qualities that initially drew you to each other are probably still there. These qualities, which you found endearing at one time, can now bridge an amicable divorce and possibly a future friendship.
Talk about any concerns. If you are worried about co-parenting, or you believe your spouse will not keep up his financial obligations, talk it over with him in a calm, quiet setting. Communication will help you maintain an amicable divorce relationship with each other.
- couple image by Dariusz Kopestynski from Fotolia.com