When you and your husband decide to divorce, your life will change in so many ways that you may be reeling from its effects. You are going to be alone to deal with your life. If you are prepared, you can make the transition smoother for you and for everyone else involved.
Before you make the final decision to divorce, be sure that divorce is the right thing to do. Sometimes bridges can be mended, while other times they can’t. When you have lost all respect and trust for your husband, you probably cannot save the marriage, says Dr. Mitchell Baris, divorce expert, on the Family Education website. You can build back trust, although it can take years. But if respect is gone too, saving the marriage is probably futile.
Lawyer or Mediator
Many couples opt to use a mediator instead of a lawyer. Mediators cost less. Also, mediators try to strike a compromise between you and your husband, something that you both can live with. Lawyers, on the other hand, can turn the process into an adversarial event. States vary in what spouses are entitled to after a divorce. You should learn what you are entitled to receive, based on where you live. If your husband is pushing for a mediator, hoping that you will agree to settle for less than what you are legally entitled to, you should probably hire a lawyer, recommends the Family Education website.
What to Ask a Lawyer
If you do decide to hire a lawyer, you need to ask plenty of questions before you write any checks. Find out how many matrimonial cases she has handled. Ask how many of the cases she handled involved the issue that is your major concern, such as financial settlement or custody. If an associate will be working with you, ask to meet him. Find out how much the lawyer bills. Ask if you can have input on the strategy of the case. Discuss any potential problems the lawyer sees with your case. According to the Family Education website, a reputable lawyer sends you a written agreement stating fees. You should have time to consider the agreement and be able to ask additional questions. If the lawyer pressures you to sign right then in the office, look for someone else.
Telling the Children
The thought of telling your children that the two of you are divorcing is so terrifying to some couples that they stay married. How you tell your children you are divorcing can affect the way the children take the news. You and your husband must have a plan. Organize a family meeting where you and your husband calmly tell your children you are divorcing. Stress what will remain the same in your children’s lives, that the divorce has nothing to do with them and how much you both love them, according to the Professor’s House website.
After the Divorce
You must not grieve forever after your divorce. Life goes on. If you have children, you have to go on raising them. Find a way to continue moving forward with your life. If you do have children with your ex, you need to define a new relationship with your ex as common allies for your children, says TV personality and psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw. Ask your friends and family members for help during this time. Take time for yourself so that you can be a strong person.
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