• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

Lessons in Dating: Don't Date A Male Stripper!

April 20, 2010 by Brookeb4 Leave a Comment

I became a single mom at 22. I quickly learned that the dating world I had just entered was light years away my teenage years, when I had last been single. I decided I needed some sort of guidelines to follow; a sort of roadmap, which of course didn’t exist in the Geography section (or self-help section) of Barnes & Noble. So I charted my own course, starting with two general rules:

No relationships for 6 months, and
Dates only on the nights I didn’t have my son

More Rules…

There have been more rules added to the list as the years have gone by. There are many that any woman entering the dating scene will figure out on her own: meet a blind date in public, a man that respects you won’t try to sleep with you on the first date, and never introduce your children to a man you aren’t sure you will have a future with.

Laugh at Yourself

What you won’t read in dating advice columns are the hard lessons to learn, the ones you are embarrassed to share with others. I live with the belief that if you can’t laugh at your past, then it is hard to have hope for the future. In light of that, I will share with you the embarrassing lessons I have learned as a dating, single mama.

Never Date a Male Stripper

Go ahead and laugh. In hindsight, it seems so silly that I thought even casually dating this man would not end badly. But as a 22 year old who was still uncomfortable with her mom-body and fresh on the dating scene, I was easy prey. All it took was one pass of his hand across my shoulders and a compliment about what great hair I had, and I was giving him my number. I should have known that drinks we had in clubs before his shows were not actual dates, and that putting me on the VIP list for the All Male Revue was not romance. I should have realized that if a man is living with his ex-girlfriend because they are still really good friends, then she probably isn’t an “ex” just yet. Thankfully his girlfriend was a bit of a snoop and alerted me of her girlfriend status before things got anywhere close to serious. But lesson learned…a man that shaves his chest and stuffs his Speedo is probably incredibly comfortable lying about other things.

The Package Does Matter

Not that package, the whole package. The attitude, the smile, the hair, the clothes, the shoes – the package. Specifically the shoes. Out with some friends on a New Year’s Eve, I had met a cute boy and we shared a sweet midnight kiss. We exchanged numbers that night, and as promised, he called the next day. He offered to pick me up and take me out to dinner. Things were starting off as they should, I was very pleased! Imagine my surprise when he walked through my front door with duct tape wrapped around his shoes. Silver, belongs-in-the-garage, duct tape! I was perplexed. I had to ask about it, of course I did. They were his favorite shoes, yes they were still in production, and he just didn’t want to spend the money on a new pair of shoes. I couldn’t go out with a man who had duct tape holding his shoes together! If he couldn’t spring for a hole-free pair of shoes, what kind of restaurant was in store for me? I offered him a drink to buy some time while I figured out how to get out of this. While drinking his beer, he got gassy. There was no apologizing and excusing himself, he just kept talking through it, like I wasn’t even noticing it! I was mortified. Thankfully Mother Nature came to my rescue and the power went out. I told him that I was so sorry, but I had to go keep a friend company during the outage.

Moral of the Story

Moral of the story, ladies: If a man like Duct Tape Jeff doesn’t care enough about the whole package, then he is not going to be the kind of man who has the courtesy to step into the bathroom to excuse himself when flatulence hits! He is definitely not the kind of man you want as an influence on your children!

Single Moms Scare Off Family-Focused Men

I will preface this with saying that there are some exceptions to this rule. But I found that nine times out of ten men thought that since I already had a child that I didn’t want more. Wonderful men, who would make great husbands and fathers to future children, would fail to ask if I wanted more children and would go on their merry way looking for a great woman whose womb had never carried a child. Men wouldn’t approach the subject with me, but instead just stop calling. Weeks later I would inevitably find out through the grapevine that the “kid issue” is what scared them off.

Men are Not Simple

I used to think that the fact that I had a child is what it was, but it was the thought that I didn’t want more. But they won’t just come out and ask you. Men aren’t that simple. Single moms have to find a way to tell a man, without sounding like a needy, psychotic, baby machine, that they are open to having more children some day. It isn’t always easy, and at time seems utterly impossible, but if you have found a good man, the conversation will happen in a way that makes you sound completely sane and not like Octomom.

Sometimes You Have to Say It

One of the first men I dated after leaving my son’s father was a guy who worked in the same office building as I did. It was a pretty casual thing, but he was a great guy. We had a lot of fun together, he respected that I had a child I was devoted to, and he had his own life as well. We dated off and on for a few months, and then things kind of just tapered off as they sometimes naturally do. One night I was out with a girlfriend, and ran into this man and a friend of his at a bar. He and I went to grab a drink together and while talking I realized that this man obviously liked me. Not necessarily in a be-with-you-forever way, but there was a bit of something there. I got angry that he had let things sizzle out if he liked me. And I told him as much. My exact words were, “You know, the next time you like a girl, you really should let her know!” To which he came right back at me with, “And the next time you like a guy, you really should let him know!”

He was Right!

He was completely right, and I was completely mortified. Somehow it had never occurred to me that we live in the 21st Century, and I am a smart woman who is certainly capable of telling a man that I like him. I have never forgotten that lesson. I know that there are still a lot of women out there who want to be swept off of their feet and romanced. I love that too. But men have egos and pride and if they went around sweeping every woman they liked off of her feet, they would surely end up embarrassed a lot. Help him out a little. Let the guy you like know that you like him. Encourage him to sweep you off of your feet.

A few closing reminders:

If a man says he can understand why his dad cheated on his own mom, run.
If a man has a shrine in his living room to his late wife, he is not ready to date.
If one of the first texts you get from a man is a picture of a body part that isn’t his face, then the only direction he sees the relationship going is horizontal.

And just to reiterate, never, ever trust a man who takes off his clothes for living!

About Brooke

Brooke Billings is a single mom of an awesome 9 year old boy navigating the worlds of parenthood, dating and writing. Brooke is the editor of Single Parent magazine, and co-founder of ModernSingleParents.net, a revolutionary new social network for single parents. Brooke is also a featured expert writer on multiple single parent websites. As a child raised mostly by a single parent, Brooke is passionate about supporting single parents and helping single parents realize their potential. Brooke has been co-parenting her 9 year old son with his father since 2002, and is happy to be in a place where the relationships are enjoyable for everyone involved. Brooke and her son enjoy the blessings of living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, as well as urban adventures and entertaining friends and family.

You can contact Brooke at: bbillings@singleparentmedia.com, and follower her on twitter @brookeb4

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Relationships

About Brookeb4

I'm a single mom trying to navigate the world of parenting, dating, working and writing! My life is organized chaos, and I love every minute of it. I am very passionate about connecting with single parents and giving them opportunities connect with one another. Being a single parent can be isolating, but it doesn't have to be!

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Search

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Featured

10 Things Nobody Will Tell You About Having A Baby

After reading "20 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Had Kids," I … [Read More...] about 10 Things Nobody Will Tell You About Having A Baby

Must Have

STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

April has arrived which means it’s time to pull out the food … [Read More...] about STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

Did you know?

Soothe Red and Irritated Skin After a Brazilian Wax

How to Soothe Red and Irritated Skin After a Brazilian Wax

Signs You're Having a Miscarriage

Signs You’re Having a Miscarriage

abdominal pain on the left side in pregnancy

Abdominal Pain on the Left Side in Pregnancy

signs of pregnancy

How Long Does It Take to Show Signs of Pregnancy?

Symptoms of Pregnancy If HCG Injection Is Taken

What Can I Use as an Egg Substitute When Baking Corn Bread

What Can I Use as an Egg Substitute When Baking Corn Bread?

How to Cook Beef Round Cubes in a Pan

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2023 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.