I didn’t have a divorce party.
At the time, celebrating was probably the furthest thing from my mind. Leaving my marriage felt awful before it felt freeing. There was grief, fear, uncertainty and that overwhelming feeling of having absolutely no idea what came next.
But watching Jen Hamilton celebrate her own independence recently made me realize something:
I wish I had taken the time to celebrate mine.
Like Jen, I married young. I went to university in my hometown and lived with my parents the entire time, so I went pretty much straight from my parents’ home into a home with my husband. I had never really lived independently or had the chance to figure out who I was outside of being someone’s daughter and then someone’s wife.
So when my marriage ended, independence didn’t immediately feel like freedom.
It felt awful.
I was incredibly fortunate to have significant support from my parents and my friends as I moved away from what had become a toxic relationship. They helped me through those first horrible weeks.
Eventually, something changed.
The thing that had initially felt like one of the worst things that had ever happened to me started to feel like one of the best things I had ever done for myself.
I found my footing. I discovered that I could build a life on my own. And somewhere along the way, my trepidation was replaced by a sense of independence that I hadn’t really experienced before.
I just never stopped to celebrate it.
Which is why I loved seeing Jen Hamilton do exactly that.
Jen Hamilton’s “Jendependence Day”
If you’re a fan, you’ll know Jen Hamilton as the registered obstetric nurse, mom and social media creator who has built a huge following by talking candidly about everything from pregnancy and childbirth to motherhood and everyday life. Jen began creating content during the COVID-19 pandemic, drawing on more than a decade of experience as an ER and obstetrics nurse, and became particularly well known on TikTok for her funny, frank and often reassuring takes on labor and delivery, parenting and women’s health. Today, she has more than seven million followers across social media.
So when Jen began sharing something much more personal — the breakdown of her marriage — millions of fans were already accustomed to her letting them into the messy, emotional parts of real life. And on August 4, what would have been her 14th wedding anniversary, she invited friends to her home for a party.
The day before, Jen spoke about the complicated emotions that came with the anniversary — grieving what the marriage had been and what she once hoped it would be, while also recognizing the freedom and possibility ahead of her.
@_jen_hamilton_It’s Jendependence Day ❤️♬ sparks – acoustic instrumental – Edward Ong
That complexity makes sense to me. I can look back now and say without hesitation that my first marriage was terrible, but I don’t wish I could simply erase that part of my life. Going through it forced me to grow up in ways I probably wouldn’t have otherwise, and, most importantly, without that marriage my children would not exist. I can be grateful for what came from that chapter while still knowing that ending it was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself. Those two things don’t have to contradict each other.
That may be what made Jen’s decision to celebrate the anniversary feel so meaningful. She wasn’t trying to erase the years that had come before or pretend they hadn’t mattered. She was choosing to take a date that had once represented one thing and give it a new meaning.
Jen had never planned a party that wasn’t centred around her family before, which made this one feel especially significant. Friends were bringing dishes, she and her son had cleaned off the back deck, and instead of spending the anniversary focused on what had ended, she was going to spend it surrounded by people she cared about and celebrating what came next. People reported on Jen’s plans for the anniversary here.
Then came Jendependence Day.
On August 4, Jen turned what could have been an incredibly difficult anniversary into something entirely different. She gathered friends around her and celebrated what she called her “Jendependence Day” — a way of reclaiming the date and looking toward her future instead of allowing it to belong entirely to the marriage that had ended. She later described it as the best anniversary she had ever had and reflected on how much love she felt surrounded by the people who showed up for her.
The celebration also included one particularly symbolic moment: Jen burned the bedsheets she had shared with her estranged husband, writing that they represented years of personal repression and lies.
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And watching all of it made me think about my own divorce in a way I hadn’t before.
Divorce itself isn’t necessarily something to celebrate. Even when you’re leaving a relationship you know isn’t right for you, it can still hurt terribly.
I know that firsthand.
What I wish I had celebrated was everything that came after it.
The independence.
The courage it took to start again.
The friends and family who stood beside me.
The realization that I could actually do this.
And the moment when I finally understood that leaving hadn’t ruined my life. It had given me the opportunity to build a different one.
Looking back, I think that deserved a party.
If a Friend Were Going Through It Now, I’d Throw the Party
Maybe that’s the part of Jen’s story that has changed my perspective the most.
If one of my friends were going through her own version of “independence” today, I think I would want to help her mark it — when she was ready.
That last part matters.
There’s no universal point at which divorce suddenly stops hurting and starts feeling liberating. For some women, that may happen quickly. For others, it could take months or years. And for plenty of us, grief and relief coexist for a long time.
I certainly wouldn’t show up while a friend was still in the depths of it with a banner and a cake announcing, “Congratulations! You’re divorced!”
But if she reached the point where she wanted to celebrate?
I would be all in.
And apparently I’m not alone.
In a Reddit discussion about celebrating divorce, one woman described planning a weekend away with the women who had been beside her for decades. Rather than making the weekend about divorce, she wanted it to focus on the person she was becoming. Another person planned a celebration centred around gratitude for the friends who had supported her throughout a long and traumatic divorce.
That’s exactly the kind of divorce party I would want to throw.
What I’d Put on the Divorce Party Invites
I’d start with the divorce party invites.
And I don’t think I’d make them about trashing the ex.
There are certainly plenty of funny divorce party invitations built around revenge, being “finally free” or getting rid of an unwanted spouse, and if that’s someone’s sense of humour, I have absolutely no objection.
But if I were doing this for a friend, I’d want the invitation to celebrate *her*.
Something like:
- Here’s to Chapter Two
- Cheers to What’s Next
- Independence Day
- A Fresh Start
- New Beginnings
Or I’d steal a page from Jen’s book and come up with a completely personalized name for the occasion.
That’s what I love about “Jendependence Day.” It isn’t really about Brian at all.
It’s about Jen.
That’s the tone I’d want my friend’s divorce party invitation to establish too: we’re getting together because something difficult happened, she made it through, and we’re celebrating the woman on the other side.
The Divorce Party Supplies I’d Actually Buy
Once the divorce party invites were out, though?
I’d have some fun.
I found a Reddit discussion specifically about planning a divorce party for a friend, and some of the ideas were exactly the right combination of funny and sweet.
One person suggested individually packaged or “single serving” snacks, along with a playlist, having everyone dress in the newly single woman’s favourite colour and creating funny names for the cocktails.
I love all of that.
My divorce party supplies list would probably include:
- Balloons and divorce party decorations in her favourite colours
- A banner celebrating her next chapter
- “Single serving” appetizers and desserts
- Champagne or a signature cocktail
- A really good mocktail option
- A playlist filled with songs that make her feel strong
- Disposable cameras or an instant camera (or maybe, like Jen’s friends, I’d hire a photographer)
- Cards where friends can write something they admire about her
- Photos of the people who helped her through the difficult parts
- And, obviously, a divorce party cake
Give me disco balls. Give me flowers. Give me the ridiculous colour combination she loves that her ex always hated. Give me the throw pillows she was never allowed to buy.
Decorate for the person who is staying, not the person who left.
My Divorce Party Playlist
If I were planning a divorce party now, the playlist would be almost as important as the cake. I wouldn’t want three hours of angry breakup songs. There might be room for one or two (“Goodbye, Earl” by the Chicks was one of my favored post-divorce songs) — because sometimes you need to sing something dramatically into a wine glass. Mostly I’d want songs that feel like freedom, confidence and moving forward.
My divorce party playlist would include:
- “Flowers” — Miley Cyrus
- “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” — Kelly Clarkson
- “Since U Been Gone” — Kelly Clarkson
- “Good as Hell” — Lizzo
- “Roar” — Katy Perry
- “Independent Women, Pt. 1” — Destiny’s Child
- “Survivor” — Destiny’s Child
- “Shake It Off” — Taylor Swift
- “So What” — P!nk
- “I Will Survive” — Gloria Gaynor
- “Believe” — Cher
- “I’m Still Standing” — Elton John
- “Dog Days Are Over” — Florence + the Machine
- “Unwritten” — Natasha Bedingfield
- “Raise Your Glass” — P!nk
- “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!” — Shania Twain
And…depending on the circumstances of the breakup:
- “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” — Taylor Swift (also favored by Jen Hamilton)
- “Fuck You” — Lily Allen
- “Goodbye, Earl” — The Chicks
And I would absolutely let the guest of honor add the songs that meant something specifically to her.
Maybe there’s a song she wasn’t allowed to play because her ex hated it. Maybe there’s one she blasted in the car during those first few weeks on her own. Maybe there’s a song that reminds her of the friends who helped her through it…Hello, Earl.
That’s what I’d want the playlist to become: not a soundtrack to the marriage ending, but a soundtrack to the life she’s creating next.
Although I’m keeping “I Will Survive.”
Some things are mandatory.
I Have Thoughts About the Divorce Party Cake
There should be cake.
I don’t make the rules.
And although I’ve seen some spectacularly savage divorce party cakes, I think I’d keep this part focused on the future too.
A divorce party cake could say:
- Plot Twist
- Chapter Two
- Onward
- Cheers to What’s Next
- Look at Me Now
- Or my personal favourite: Actually, I’m Going to Be Fine
Would I be opposed to a tiny fondant dumpster fire sitting on top?
Absolutely not.
Healing can have a sense of humour.
A Divorce Party Registry Actually Makes a Lot of Sense
Here’s something else I wish had existed — or that I had known about — when I got divorced: a divorce registry.
Because when a marriage ends, you’re not just separating two people. You’re often separating an entire household.
Who gets the dishes?
The towels?
The coffee maker?
The furniture?
Suddenly you’re buying things you haven’t thought about buying since you first set up a home.
The Associated Press has reported on the growing use of divorce or “fresh start” registries, including Fresh Starts Registry, which was created specifically to help people rebuild after divorce and other major life changes.
And this might be one of my favourite divorce party ideas.
It isn’t about expecting people to buy you presents because your marriage ended.
It’s about recognizing that someone you care about may genuinely be starting again with half a household — or sometimes almost nothing.
The AP spoke with women who found themselves replacing everything from furniture and kitchenware to sheets and other household basics after divorce. Writer Leanne Itale also described how meaningful those practical gifts could become, saying that she could look at the plates in her home and know exactly which friends they came from.
That really resonated with me.
When you’re rebuilding a life, there’s something powerful about looking around and realizing other people helped you build it.
So if my friend needed new sheets, new wine glasses, new towels, a lamp, a drill or the ridiculous throw pillows her ex never liked, I’d be very happy to help.
Those might be the best divorce party supplies of all.
Sometimes the Best Divorce Party Is a Surprise
There was another comment in that Reddit discussion that really got me. One woman said her friends had surprised her with a divorce party. What she remembered most wasn’t the decorations or the food. It was how cared for she felt because her friends had chosen to mark the occasion with her. As an added twist, her ex’s best friend was the person who hosted it.
I love the sentiment behind that.
I’m not suggesting everyone should spring a surprise divorce party on a newly separated friend. You’d have to know the person very well — and know she had reached the point where she was ready for it.
But the reason that story stays with me is that the party wasn’t ultimately about divorce.
It was an act of friendship.
It said: We’re here. We’ve seen what you’ve been through. And we’re still here.
I was lucky enough to have people like that when my marriage ended. And, in a strange way, the experience also made it very clear who wasn’t there for me. Divorce has a way of showing you which relationships are solid and which ones only worked when your life was easy. As painful as that realization was at the time, it gave me permission to let go of some people too — and my life was better for it.
I just wish we’d also had cake.
Divorce Party Ideas for Her Should Really Be About Her
That’s probably the biggest thing I’d take from Jen’s celebration and from the experiences other divorced women have shared.
When I’m looking for divorce party ideas for her, I wouldn’t plan an elaborate roast of the former husband.
I’d plan a celebration of my friend.
I’d make a playlist of songs she loves.
I’d have everyone write down something they admire about her.
I’d make a photo wall of the people and experiences that make up her life now.
I’d buy some outrageously unnecessary **divorce party decorations** just because they made her laugh.
I’d encourage her to create a fresh-start registry if she was setting up a new home and needed help.
I’d order the cake.
And I’d make sure the people who had carried her through the worst of it were standing beside her for the good part too.
Because I’ve been the woman at the beginning of this process.
I’ve been terrified.
I’ve wondered how I was going to manage on my own.
I’ve had moments when the future felt completely overwhelming.
But I never wondered whether leaving was the right decision.
And I’ve also been the woman on the other side who eventually realized that leaving a toxic relationship was one of the best things I’d ever done for myself.
I wish I had celebrated her.
Maybe the Divorce Party Isn’t Really About Divorce
I understand why some people don’t like the idea of the divorce party.
A marriage ending isn’t automatically a happy occasion. Especially if there are children involved. There’s financial stress, shattered plans, loneliness, anger and real grief.
Sometimes you can know with absolute certainty that leaving is the right decision and still cry your eyes out over the fact that you had to make it.
Jen’s reaction to her wedding anniversary captured that contradiction beautifully. She is grieving the life she thought she would have while beginning to recognize the possibilities in the life ahead of her.
I remember that feeling.
And maybe that’s why, all these years later, Jen Hamilton’s Jendependence Day makes me wish I’d had my own version.
Not because I wanted to celebrate my marriage ending.
I wanted to celebrate my independence.
I wanted to celebrate the parents and friends who helped me when I needed them.
I wanted to celebrate learning that I could stand on my own.
I wanted to celebrate realizing that the thing I had been so frightened to do had turned out to be one of the best things I had ever done for myself.
So if you’re helping a friend through her own fresh start, send the divorce party invites when she’s ready. Buy the divorce party supplies. Hang the decorations. Make the playlist. Give her the new sheets. Order the ridiculous divorce party cake.
And celebrate her.
Because sometimes making it to the other side deserves a party.
