Waving the White Flag on the Great Mom Debate

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“Why Working Mothers Make Us Angry”

The minute I read the title of this Forbes.com article, I was pissed off. I went immediately into my ‘Working Mother’ safe house with clenched fists, armor drawn, and my artillery ready to fire off every bit of ammunition I had as to why I’m a working mom, why I CHOOSE to be working mom, and why it’s perfectly okay to be a working mom.

Then I started reading.

And I realized I had my panties in a twist for no reason at all. I assumed the article would be the typical pros and cons of stay-at-home and working moms but in all reality it was a sincere, thought-provoking and endearing article on how society and employers treat working moms. How salaries differ, expectations are lowered, and how an employer (and the author) assumed that working mom weren’t as dedicated as their colleagues.

The article was refreshing, indeed it was, but I have to tell you I am so sick and tired of the debate between the working mom and the stay at home mom; I’m sick of seeing it in the news, plastered on the web, on blogs, Twitter, Facebook and I’m sick of talking about it. 

As a mom that works and also stayed home, I gotta tell you neither choice is a walk in the park. There are plenty of challenges in both roles and frankly we are all doing the best we can with what we have; so I ask, why are we still picking on each other?  What happened to women banding together, supporting each other, having each other’s back? It’s just not happening. Is it because we’re insecure? Catty? Jealous? Dare I say bitches?

Who knows.  But I know what I’m doing.

I’m waving the white flag, extending the olive branch, calling a truce; begging moms, and non-mom’s alike around the globe to stop this darn debate grab a glass of wine, a bottle of beer, or a damn cup of coffee and shut up.

Any women on this earth, whether they are working or not, living on a farm, in a 10,000 sq. ft pent house in Manhattan, or in a crammed studio apartment in Chicago, single, married, divorced or widowed have at some point had the feeling that they are not doing enough for their children, for their home, husband, employer, mom, sister, brother, best friend, heck even the nanny. We’ve all moaned that we should play with our children more, shouldn’t go on that business trip, should’ve went to the gym, should’ve signed up to be class mom, or to coach soccer, some of you may even have guilt that you should cook one night a week instead of using your chef (that wouldn’t be my choice, just saying!); my point, every woman at one point or another has had or has enough guilt to fill up the Grand Canyon, and then some. And if you don’t have any guilt about your role as a woman, specifically as a mother, well, I don’t believe you, but I do support you whether you’re a stay at home or working mom, single, divorced, career-minded or not. 

Nevertheless, let’s for one last time, agree that life is tough and applaud each other for a job well done, even if we missed the soccer game, or burned the soufflé.  Let’s not assume, like myself and the author of that article, that we know which role is better, let’s not assume that the stay-at -home mom has their feet up reading a book watching General Hospital (my friend actually asked me if I did this, and it took a lot for me not to hit her) or that the career-minded woman is smarter, or the single childless gals are hotter, or that the working mother misses all the school functions, or that the stay-at-home mom cooks every meal from scratch; let’s for once, stop assuming, because you know what happens when assume, right?

Yep, you make an ass out of you and me.

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