• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

I Can’t Stand My Friend’s Child

July 31, 2016 by DrAndreaBonior Leave a Comment

Hate is such a strong word, of course (how’s “abhor?”). But let’s face it: sometimes your fellow-Mommy soul mate comes attached with the child of your nightmares. How is it that a woman who is so cool, and seems to agree with so many of your parenting philosophies, has a kid so diametrically opposed to yours (or so you’d like to believe)?

You love hanging out with her, but you don’t know how much more of her child you can take. Here’s what to do before smoke starts pouring from your ears:

1. Civility, civility, civility.

Be careful not to let your frustration get the best of you. Don’t let yourself treat her child with anything less than warmth and kindness – not only would that be hypocritical, but it will only bring out worse behavior.

2. Seek Perspective

Are you sure you’re not being unduly harsh on the child? Might you just have seen him or her during some bad moments? If her kid always seems to conflict with yours, are you sure your child isn’t contributing to it? Do you tend to have a negative judgment of a lot of different children, maybe seeing them in a harsher light than you do your own?

3. Brainstorm

Are there circumstances where the kid’s behavior isn’t as bad, or when your patience is a bit higher? Exploit those. Can you start focusing more on seeing your friend without either of your children? Are there activities you can suggest or outings you can plan that will help the kids get along better? Get specific in what you do – and what you avoid – to try to maximize the peace.

4. Get Some Space

If your frustration reaches the point where you grit your teeth every time little Jacob enters the room, or you reflexively become a human shield every time he comes near your child (who’s gotten socked a dozen times already), it’s time to take a break for your own sanity. Perhaps some time apart will help your kids get along better as well.

5. Be Honest (Sort Of)

It does no one any favors to keep your lip completely zipped if you think there are substantial behavior issues in your friend’s child. It’s not fair to the child, who might need an outsider’s perspective and help, and it’s not fair to your friend, who may not know that she’s losing friends – and not doing right by her child–because of it. So, fess up that you sometimes find it difficult to hang out with her because of X, Y, and Z. Be specific, be gentle, and be apologetic, and support her in coming up with solutions. Admit your own vulnerabilities, and make it clear how much you like your friend and like her child (even if must cross your fingers for the latter.)

6. Prioritize

If no improvement seems to come, or the kid conflict has spilled into a conflict among you and your friend, it’s time to make choices about what you’re willing to accept. This might involve letting a friendship fade to keep your child from misery. A sad sacrifice, but not the first – or last – you’ll make as a mom.

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Relationships

About DrAndreaBonior

Andrea (Gaynor) Bonior is a licensed clinical psychologist, professor, and writer. For more than five years, Dr. Bonior has written the twice-weekly mental health column Baggage Check for the Washington Posts Express newspaper, known for its wit and frequent pop culture references. Shes frequently cited in other media, with her expertise most recently appearing on CNN.com, MSNBC.com, Yahoo!, and Voice of America, and she makes regular appearances on Washington, DCs Lets Talk Live. Her first book, The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping Up With Your Friends (Thomas Dunne/St. Martins), is due out this Winter. In addition to serving on the adjunct faculty of Georgetown University, she maintains a private clinical psychology practice.

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Search

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Featured

Killing Off Supermom

I'll be honest with you. In my house, the beds are rarely … [Read More...] about Killing Off Supermom

Must Have

STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

April has arrived which means it’s time to pull out the food … [Read More...] about STEM-related Toys to Include in Your Child’s Easter Basket This Year 

Did you know?

How Early Can an Ultrasound Detect a Fetus?

How Early Can an Ultrasound Detect a Fetus?

Negative Effects of Single Parent Homes

The Negative Effects of Single Parent Homes on Children

10 foods to improve sperm count and quality

10 Foods to Improve Sperm Count and Quality

Can You Get Pregnant Without Menstruating?

What Does It Mean When Your Partner Curses at You?

What Does It Mean When Your Partner Curses at You?

fade hair color quickly

How to Fade Hair Color Quickly

women get pregnant if she Is not ovulating

Can a Women Get Pregnant if She Is Not Ovulating?

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2022 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.