20 children. That’s one and a half soccer teams, a kindergarten class, and probably the population of small town in Alaska.
When I heard the “news” that Michelle Duggar was expecting her 20th child, my first thought was “Are you fricking kidding me? Because 19 kids isn’t enough?”
I quickly redacted my thoughts, because let’s not hate, let’s love. And honestly from watching her interviews and her show, I believe she may be the nicest woman in the world. (Of course – not only is she the most fertile woman on the planet, she is the nicest as well.) Now with 20 children, she’ll be a saint before she even hits the pearly gates!
And then I started thinking – actually I started hyperventilating – because it hit me that Michelle Duggar has been pregnant for just about 21 years straight. Perhaps she had a few “off” years, wherein I am sure she had her feet up, watching Days of Our Lives (is that sacrilege for a conservative Baptist?) and eating bon-bons. Oh, I kid. We all know she was crazy busy raising that family and making homemade soap for Christ sake (can I say that when I’m writing about The Duggar’s?) .
But really, for 21 years she has endured:
- Being bloated and gassy.
- Having boobs the size of melons and ankles the size of elephants.
- She has worn maternity clothes for the last 21 years and even though they’ve gotten cuter, they haven’t gotten that cute. This means for at least 15 years she has worn some sort of elastic-waist garments.
- She’s changed at least 69,000 diapers, and probably been nursing for at least 55,000 hours. That’s ridiculous! I nursed, and almost couldn’t handle it; that much time and I would have been locked up in a straight-jacket and thrown in a padded room. And the boobs, what the heck do they look like now? I know mine need a little lift with two children, how about 18 more?
- Laundry – I can’t even add that high. Let’s see, I do at least two loads a day with four people so if you add fifteen more people to mix, that’s what ten loads a day? Over 3,000 loads of laundry a year? No thank you!
- Meals – Imagine preparing meals for the equivalent of a large dinner party every day. Who has that many plates? Do you use paper? Because that’s not very eco-friendly. And how do you even feed that many children? What do you cook? How do you cook? Is it buffet style? It must be, because I’m trying to picture a sit-down dinner and if the food is hot when it’s passed to the first person, it would probably be freezing cold by number 19!!
- Housework – Who has time for it? And she has to nurse, dress, and feed 19 children 365 days a year. So screw the housework! Hire someone or better yet talk to my mother, she’ll have each child assigned to a chore or two and marching around like soldiers!
- What about down time, watching TV, reading, knitting, or heck when do they even have time for sex? It seems impossible, but with 19 kids and another one in the oven, she must make time for sex somehow, but how? And how does she have the desire? She has GOT to be exhausted every day, taking care of such a large family.
- Speaking of bedroom activities, when can she possibly sleep? I’m convinced that this woman does not sleep.
- Oh, and home-schooling, man I almost forgot that they home school! Mother of God. I can’t even touch this one. Where do you begin?
So what gives? She never even seems to get upset. 19 children and a husband have GOT to get you screaming at some point, right? Am I wrong? I’d be hoarse every dang day. Not only is she caring for 19 plus children, she’s also minding a home, trying to fit her butt in skinny jeans, and taking on all her children’s worries because that’s what moms do.
Okay, I have to stop. Just thinking of all the stuff that Michelle Duggar manages in a day, and I’m getting anxious and sweaty. I think I’m coming down with a sympathy headache.