What a whirlwind this week has been. First I have to share and admit how difficult it was to leave home for my book tour. I almost never travel without my family. I knew this trip would be a tough one, 15 hour days, lots of moving and challenging weather. So I decided to brave it alone. I could barely hold it together saying goodbye to each of my children. We cried, I tried to hide my sadness to be strong for them. Little did they know that I felt like a child too, packing for my first sleep away camp. I’ve been sending pictures home of each of my events, trying to make captions that read like a children’s book…Mommy on the radio, Mommy in the snow, Mommy signing her book, Mommy talks to Kelly Rippa etc. Rain has been having a tough time and it breaks my heart. Thankfully, her Daddy is close to her.
Here I am kicking off my national book tour and celebrating my labor of love by talking to TV and radio stations all over the country. The feedback and reviews have been great and the dialogue has been kind and inspirational, yet my heart is at home. I am desperately missing my family. I don’t think I will ever conquer this challenge. ? Fortunately, I am venting a lot in my interviews when people ask about the work life balance and how I “do it all.” That illusion still makes me laugh, because I am really just organizing chaos and making the most of good and bad days.
I love the conversations I am having with female journalists. There is an unspoken understanding between us ‘Yes, I understand you and I have been there too.’ Many Dads have come out to meet me, get their book signed and gift it to their wives- I love that. My book is for everyone. It has been such a positive experience for me all the way around, but there is an emptiness that I feel being here on the road missing my loved ones. It never gets easier for me.
On the way up to my hotel room last night I passed a woman at the front desk who knew of my hectic day and asked how I was. I gave her an honest answer and asked her in return. "I’ve had a really hard day," she said. "I have four kids too, and I’m here at work while they need me at home. My daughter is going through some stuff…" We compassionately looked at each other, and exchanged that “I feel you” look. Then I said, “I get it, and it’s going to be ok”. We sighed, smiled, and said goodnight. We both just needed a moment to vent, be heard, and be comforted by another mother who has been there too.
I spoke to my 8 year old on the phone from bed last night. We talked about a special trip we took together to NY last year. I told her how much I miss her and that I was a bit lonely. She said “Why don’t you go to our favorite restaurant in Little Italy, Maybe you’ll meet a friend." (Gotta love a child’s naiveté- That’s all I need! Lol!)She continued, "Or sometimes what I do when I can’t sleep is imagine your arms around me. Mommy, just pretend that I am holding you and maybe you will fall asleep.” She’ll never know how much that touched me and how much she warmed my heart that night. I related to the way she must feel on many nights when she is away from me. So sad.
I am beyond grateful for the positive response and reviews that I am receiving on my book tour. I’m really enjoy meeting everyone on the road and the chance to get to know their families. BUT being the mom I am, I’m counting down the hours to be home with my own.