Shaya broke my heart yesterday as I was leaving for the work. “I come?” he sweetly pleaded. This work thing, and being away from the kids, does not get any easier. David has been super busy too. The scary part is that we have no way of knowing how their tender minds interpret things. I try so much to listen to their hearts but so much is a mystery. David and I think a lot about our own childhood feelings and fears and I am sure we project them onto our own kids. But nonetheless, I can tell that a full day without me is too long for my little ones.
Last week I took Rain and Shay to DWTS with me. Tuesdays, which are elimination days are less that day. They hung in my dressing room all day. Rain loves to hop in my make up chair and pretend like it’s all about her. I have a wall full of fashion ads that inspire my different looks each week. Rain pulled out a crazy make up editorial and asked my make up artist to recreate that look for her. She’s a diva in the making- can’t imagine who’s fault that is?!? David joined us later and they all watched the show from my couch. I was finished by 6pm. The moment I walked into my dressing room, I took off my gown and was blown away by what Shaya was packing in his diaper. Worse is that there were no more clean ones in his diaper bag that I packed early that morning. I stripped him down, put him in my sink, and hosed him off with my hair washing hose. Thankfully I had an extra pull up for Rain which saved him! I quickly went from ballroom princess to mommy in a matter of minutes. Why is bathroom duty always mine? Then we took the kids to a family dinner.
I felt like they needed us that day. I sure needed them, and they feel so special to be able to come with me to work. On some days when I feel like I can’t get out the door with out Shaya freaking, I just don’t. I pack him up and take him with me. On other days when it isn’t an option, I stop and sit with him and explain that I will be home soon. It’s so hard. On one side I wish I could give them all the time they are hoping for, and on the other side I am teaching my children that in our family we need to work. That is that, but it still pulls at my heart strings. Aahhh the work/life balance. It’s never easy. But that’s life.