• Skip to content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Shop ModernMom
  • Become An Insider

ModernMom

The premiere destination for moms

  • Parenting
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • ModernMom Monday Videos
  • Cooking
  • Living Healthy
    • Breast Cancer
    • Health & Fitness
    • Body after Baby
    • Beauty
    • Relationships
    • Love
  • Lifestyle
    • Crafts
    • At Home
    • Education
    • Travel
    • Pets
    • Decorate
    • Money
    • Brooke Burke
  • Celebrate
    • Holidays
      • Easter
      • Valentine’s Day
      • New Year’s
      • Christmas
      • Hanukah
      • Halloween
      • Thanksgiving
    • Birthdays
    • Parties
  • Must Have
  • Contests
  • Entertainment

When The Struggle Doesn’t End After IVF

May 14, 2020 by Caryn Rich

I remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting in the hospital room during my perinatal stay, I wondered to myself, “How did I get here?” We spent five years trying to get pregnant. We had multiple miscarriages, surgeries, and double-digit IVF cycles. But when we found out we were having twins, it made that wearisome journey well-worth it. All those years spent waiting and wanting, and we were finally able to find meaning.  It made everything so much easier, knowing how blessed we would soon be.

Then tragedy struck. I went into early labor, and that “bright side” was now a looming shadow. I woke up in the recovery room after having my second traumatic delivery.

A traumatic delivery

After an emergency c-section, I worriedly looked at my husband. Where was my baby? Was she okay? He delivered the news that we now had a beautiful baby girl. She came into this world at 23 weeks, almost 17 weeks early. I had given birth to her twin brother four weeks prior, before the point of viability. She was truly a miracle. Having an “interval” twin birth is very rare, but for whatever reason, my little girl was not about to give up without a fight.

Nothing felt like it should

Here I was, a new mom, but nothing felt right. Instead of joy, I was filled with stress and worry. In place of congratulations, I was met with looks of doom and gloom. This isn’t what it’s supposed to be like. After everything we had been through to get pregnant, it felt unfair that she ended up in the NICU.

If I learned anything from my infertility journey, though, it was resiliency. The same strength I needed to endure those five years would get me through each new day in the NICU. I had fought and advocated this long for her, and now was not the time to throw in the towel. I became that light I knew my little girl needed, and I fought.

Was it scary? Absolutely.

Did it feel like it would never end? Yes.

Did I ever lose hope? No!

Staying strong for her

And so, during her 135-day stay, we fought. We fought for her and us. We blocked out all the negativity and focused only on what we could do in each moment. Were there dirty dishes in the sink, beds unmade, and our house an overall mess? Most certainly. But we were there alongside her celebrating all the little milestones because they all mattered, and they all held value. Even the littlest things like changing her diapers and taking her temperature kept us involved. We never stopped advocating for what we felt was best. While the doctors are knowledgeable, they don’t know everything.

During the times we couldn’t be there in person, we did everything we could to stay hopeful. The Zaky was one such lifesaver. This weighted, hand-shaped pillow can be positioned on your baby and be scented by you to calm her. I would buy her pretty new clothes that I knew she would like.

Hope for the future

Having something to look forward to gave me something to hold onto and hope for the future. And while I may not be a very religious person, I do believe in a higher power. It may not be for everyone, but staying connected through prayer helped me on my toughest days.

And on that final day, as we were bidding farewell to the NICU, I had a rush of emotions come over me, and I thought to myself once again, “How did I get here?” After all the years of trying, the miscarriages, surgeries, IVF, and these harrowing months in the NICU, I knew. The answer was staring back at me from that car seat. She has a mother who never stopped fighting for her, and there will never be a child more loved.

If you find yourself in the NICU, too, after going through the infertility journey,  know that you are not alone. It takes a powerful woman to persevere through infertility treatments, and that strength will be your greatest asset.

 

Caryn Rich is an Infertility Coach, with experience helping women who want to get through the infertility journey using the expertise of someone who has experienced success. Through her courses, challenges and one-on-one coaching, she helps women shake up their approach to the process with support, making every step feel calmer and more understandable.

After spending 8 years going through double digit ART cycles, 5 miscarriages and the loss of one of her twins, Caryn was able to fulfill her dream of completing her family. It was during that time that she earned her PHD in Infertility. She has helped many women with a step-by-step framework based on her own journey.  She believes that having the right mindset, advocating for yourself and keeping your sense of humor are the most important aspects for success.

When Caryn is not teaching women the ABC’s of Infertility, you can find her enjoying time with her family and indulging in her favorite bulletproof coffee.

Comments

comments

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: anxiety, baby, mental health, mom

About Caryn Rich

Caryn Rich is an Infertility Coach, with experience helping women who want to get through the infertility journey using the expertise of someone who has experienced success. Through her courses, challenges and one-on-onecoaching, she helps women shake up their approach to the process withsupport, making every step feel calmer and more understandable.
After spending 8 years going through double digit ART cycles, 5 miscarriages and the loss of one of her twins, Caryn was able to fulfill her dream of completing her family. It was during that time that she earned her PHD in Infertility. She has helped many women with a step-by-step framework based on her own journey.  She believes that having the right mindset, advocating for yourself and keeping your sense of humor are the most important aspects for success.
When Caryn is not teaching women the ABC’s of Infertility, you can find herenjoying time with her family and indulging in her favorite bulletproof coffee.

Reader Interactions

Primary Sidebar

Tell a friend

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Search

ModernMom Boutique

ModernMom TV

Featured

The Little Boy On First Base

To all the coaches, parents, and fans of little … [Read More...] about The Little Boy On First Base

Must Have

winter

Pre-Holiday Must-Haves

"It's beginning to look  a lot like Christmas..." The … [Read More...] about Pre-Holiday Must-Haves

Did you know?

How Early to Take a Pregnancy Test

How Early to Take a Pregnancy Test

Cook London Broil in an Electric Pressure Cooker

How to Cook London Broil in an Electric Pressure Cooker

What Can I Use as an Egg Substitute When Baking Corn Bread

What Can I Use as an Egg Substitute When Baking Corn Bread?

How to Even Out a Spray Tan That Left White Spots

How to Even Out a Spray Tan That Left White Spots

what causes baby hiccups

What Causes Baby Hiccups?

Negative Effects of Single Parent Homes

The Negative Effects of Single Parent Homes on Children

pregnant while not ovulating

Can I Get Pregnant While Not Ovulating?

Footer

  • About Us
  • Contact ModernMom
  • Advertise With Us
  • Press
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Contributors

Copyright © 2021 Modern Mom. All Rights Reserved.

Reproduction of any portion of this website only at the express permission of Mom, Inc.

The information provided on ModernMom is for educational use only. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.