It’s partly my own fault for getting so engrossed in my new child, but I also feel like maybe my best friends and I grew apart after I became a parent. Did it happen to you too?
We were always together
Before baby, I had a group of girls I did everything with — almost nightly, we would run to one another’s house and have dinner, a glass of wine and a chat. We’d go late-nights in our pj’s, after work, and for sure every weekend. We planned things to do like concerts and movies, and even took a trip to Europe all together. We were true besties — and I considered these girls like sisters to me. They knew everything that was going on in my life at all times and vice versa.
I met the man
Then, “the man” came along, and the nights out with the girls began to dwindle, though I still saw and talked to them on a regular basis — we would have weekly dinners out and catch up on all the latest. But, slowly things began to change as my life started to change: they were single, and I had just found the man I would likely marry. Our sorority began breaking apart a little bit. To be perfectly honest, I was so happy to finally meet my match that I neglected the relationships a little bit. I missed them, but I was too happy being in love. And they were pissed that suddenly I disappeared…
Cut to: A year and a half later, a new husband and baby = a new life. Not only did I not have time for my friends, I didn’t have time for myself! I got totally swallowed up in my routine as a mom which pretty much consisted of taking care of the baby 24/7. My ex-besties didn’t really visit — they have no kids so they couldn’t really relate, nor did it seem like they really wanted to come over and watch me change diapers. I lost that part of my life very fast — the part that would go out with the girls, dress up and look hot, share my most intimate details — I didn’t even have time for a phonecall and if I did call, they couldn’t really relate to me and what was going on.
Bye bye bestie
Several months went by and I received a call from one of the girls who said “we need to have a serious talk otherwise our friendship will be over: You don’t know what’s going on in any of our lives and we don’t know what’s going on with you. You suddenly disappeared as soon as you met your husband, like we meant nothing. I don’t want a friend like that. Either you start to show up more, or we’re done.” I was so overtired I couldn’t even believe she said that — how DARE she! Then, as I started thinking about it, part of her was right and I thought it was time to re-enter the girls scene a little bit. I lost that entire part of myself and I wanted a little part of it back. Not that I wanted to go out every Friday night at all, but I did want them to be part of my life. Even though they couldn’t really relate to me living in my sweat pants, un-showered, these were my girls! These were the people that were there throughout all of my ups and downs. I didn’t want to lose them now…
We agreed to at least make weekly phone calls to one another to catch up, and at the very minimum, to schedule a monthly visit or dinner. We’ve been doing that — and I’m talking less about baby land and more about everything else. I’m happy they are still in my life. I realize though, that when you become a mom, everything DOES change, and that’s ok. I am not the person I used to be, and no they are not moms, but that’s ok too. Maybe one day I’ll feel like my old self and want to hit the town again…probably not for awhile though. 🙂